Monday, January 30, 2012

A month already?! OMG!

Wow does time go fast!!! Little Hazel will be one month old tomorrow! Its hard to believe that she has already been on this earth for a month!!! She hasn't gained much weight and still looks like the day she was born! lol Shes keeping her parents on their toes for sure... apparently she likes to get upset in the evenings and not let them sleep much. But... that's the wonderful thing about being a surrogate...I don't have to worry bout that! LOL

I am still pumping and last week, took a big cooler FULL of milk to her. The milk filled the cooler to the top and there wasn't even room for ice packs or anything. It should last her quite a while, which is good because I'm likely to start weaning off. I went away to a Girl Guide camp last weekend, and I went from pumping every 3 hours to pumping when I had time (at times it was 5 and even 7 hours between pumping....8 hours on the last day when we got stuck in Victoria due to high winds and the ferry being cancelled!) So now, my supply has been going down. Part of me is ok with that, part of me is sad. I really HATE pumping. I despise it actually. It sucks. Ok...TMI moment...my nipples hurt like a mother f-er!!! Seriously...the pump is not kind to me (I am extremely sensitive). But, I love being able to provide her with so much milk. Dropping off that cooler full of milky goodness, made me so proud of myself. Not only is it good for her, but helps keep the cost of buying as much formula down. It would just be nice to not have to take my pump with me if I know I'm going to be longer then 3 hours...and it would be nice to not wake up with hard boobs...and it would be nice to not feel the tingles all the time. I go back to work on Feb 9th so we will see how much of a pain in the butt it is to pump there and if it is, then Ill start to wean off.

Anyway...here is a picture of me and babe last time I saw her (a week ago) and Rebekah over at http://rebekahrose.blogspot.com/  did this questionnaire on her blog. I did one at the beginning of the journey but thought it would be fun to do it again!

Love her hair!




Name: Darshan Aileen Andrews
Birthday: May 14
Zodiac Sign: Taurus
Where were you born: North Vancouver BC Canada
Where do you live now: Maple Ridge BC Canada
How many times have you moved: In my whole life...um Ive lived in 7 homes in my entire life that I remember (since I was 4 basically)
Hair Color: Dirty blonde/brown.
Eye Color: Hazel basically...brown some days, green others.
Tattoos: I have 4 tattoos. My first is a celtic love knot to symbolize the love for my kids, second was a fairy on my leg, third is a piano and music on my back and fourth is the word "cara" on my foot...a matching tattoo with my best friend that means "friends" in Gaelic.
Piercings: Just one hole in each ear.

*Favorites*
Color: Purple all the way
Food: Sushi is my fave. Never met a potato I didnt like.
Candy: Hmmm...this one is touch. Im not huge on candy necessarily  (I prefer chips) but I do like reeces peanut butter cups, and twizzlers.
Movie: Dirty Dancing would be my favorite...along with Ever After. I also love 50 First Dates, The Wedding Singer, 30 Year old Virgin and all the Harry Potter and Twilight Movies.
TV Show: I watch WAY too much TV lol. My current faves would be Greys, Private Practice, BONES,True Blood The Finder (awesome new show) Game of Thrones and Grimm
Actor: Dont have a favorite...
Actress: Ditto
Favorite Author: Hmmm....I really dont read a lot...but I do like John Grisham and have all his books. Also love the Twilight Books and House of Night books.
Band or Singer: Bands: Spirit of the West, Leahy,Great Big Sea, Three Doors Down. Singers: Keith Urban, Bob Seger, Natalie MacMaster (although shes not a singer). Im also loving Lady Antebellum right now...big time.
Song: I dont have A favorite song...I have many lol Currently loving Lady A's Owned the Night. 
Holiday: Halloween
Season: spring
Day of the week: Sunday...if I have to choose one lol...
Store: Superstore (sad eh? but only because I can buy everything I need there, not have to go anywhere else and its cheap lol)
Restaurant: Oh I dont know... any sushi place lol
Sport: to watch? Hockey I guess.
Animal: Birds I guess....mainly Eagles
Flower: Gerbera Daisy
*Have you ever*
Danced in the rain: not really
tripped and had an embarrassing fall: Um yah...lets not revisit that
smoked: Ive smoked cigarettes here and there...I dont mind PrimeTimes
got drunk: Hells yah...just on wednesday in fact! lol Ok...I wasnt drunk, but more tipsy..really tipsy lol
gone skinny dipping: No.
been in a car accident: Yes...under a semi truck...broke my hand. Ouch. That was 3 year ago.
been in love: Yep!
met the President: No.
met a celebrity: Not any big time celebs but a couple of not so big ones lol
cried over a movie: Yes
laughed so hard you cried: many many times
cried for no reason at all: I am a woman! lol

*the last*
thing you said: Thanks babe (when hubby threw some rolls of toilet paper down from the upstairs for the down stairs bathroom...he was going to bed so Ive been by myself with no one to talk to since then lol)
thing you ate: A handful of pecans
song you heard: Hahaha...Medium Pace by Adam Sandler....long story lol
movie you saw: In the theatre? Um...I dont remember lol been a while. At home, Im watching The Year Dolly Parton was my Mom on VOD right now 
cd you bought: a James Taylor Christmas album...who buys cds anymore? lol
book you read: currently reading Game of Thrones....just finished Ellen Degeneres Seriously...Im kidding book...it was in my bathroom lol
phone call: Erin I think
im: Wasylyna (a fellow surro)
person you yelled at: probably one of my kids

*This or that*

pepsi or coke: Pepsi.
mcdonalds or burger king: McDonalds
chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
tv or movies: TV
colored pencils or markers: Colored Pencils
sun or moon: Moon
day or night: night
pants or shorts: Pants
long sleeve or short sleeve: Short Sleeve
n'sync or backstreet boys: both suck equally
burgers or hot dogs: burger
rock or rap: rock fo sho
aim or phone: Phone
romantic comedy or thriller: romantic comedy
waffles or pancakes: Belgian Waffles
peanut butter or jelly: Peanut butter (natural)
*Others*
do you believe in love at first sight: yes and no
have you ever wished upon a star: no...well maybe when I was a kid
what other language (s) do you speak: none
if you dyed your hair what color would you dye it: Red
if you could change your name what would you change it to: I like my name...I wouldnt change it.
what's the weather like right now: Rainy as shit
what instruments do you play: Piano...I also played the drums a lot, but never took official lessons.
do you talk to yourself a lot: Yep
best place you have visited: Um...Vegas? lol Ive never really gone anywhere.
best day of your life: Hard to choose since all three of my childrens births were the best days...and my surro babes birth as well.
worst day of your life: the day I was in my car accident probably. Ive been fortunate not to have really bad days
pet peeves: people who walk slow or dont walk single file on a busy sidewalk
what are you most proud of: Being married for almost 10 years and having 3 beautiful kids. Being a surrogate.
what is your goal for this year: Help my middle daughter to learn to behave and get all of us on board with helping her to figure out her place in the family (shes struggling with figuring that out and when she does, hopefully her beahviour will change)






Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Liebster Award

Wow! What can I say! I was nominated for the Liebster Blog Award! I feel very honored!! Thank you so much to Bobbie over at  http://paradykes.blogspot.com/   I so enjoyed following their story...carrying a baby for another couple, and now trying for another one of their own. Im very much looking forward to following them on this next journey!!!




The Liebster Blog Award is an award for bloggers with less than 200 followers who deserve more recognition. 

Liebster is a German word that means ‘dearest’ or ‘beloved’, but can also mean‘favorite’. The idea of the award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers.

The Award comes with a few rules. You’re supposed to:
§ Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them
§ Reveal your top 5 picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog
§ Post the award on your blog
§ Bask in the love from the most supportive people in the blogosphere – other bloggers
§ Hope your recipients pass the award to their 5 favorite blogs to keep the love flowing.


So....here are my top 5 pics. It was a very hard decision because A) they are all so great, B) my favorites in particular, have been nominated and C) Most of the blogs I follow were around the same time frame as my journey so they might not have as much recent activity....but here they are...including one blog that has nothing to do with surrogacy, but she is an amazing writer and I highly recommend her books!!!!


http://rebekahrose.blogspot.com/   Rebekah is carrying twins and has a great blog all about her journey as well as some nummy recipes!


http://anitaviljoen.blogspot.com/  A great writer right here in my own town! I work closely with her and consider her a "sister" that is...in Guiding!


http://dougandbill.blogspot.com/  Entertaining blog!

http://gestanotherday.blogspot.com/ Another one of the surrogacy blogs of faithfully followed!!!

http://timingandluckfortheirbaby.blogspot.com/  Another special surrogate!


Thank you to all these bloggers and all the other ones that I think are amazing (but have already been nominated) for giving us a glimpse into your worlds!!!...those would be  Jeni over at http://lovemakesafamily2011.blogspot.com/  Kevin and Jeff at http://3rdstreetnw.blogspot.com/   and of course Bobbie at http://paradykes.blogspot.com/

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Done and done....

Well, this journey officially came to an end on Friday, when I went to the lawyers and signed the affidavit, releasing my rights to Hazel so her parents can petition the court and vital statistics to amend her birth record to declare them as her parents. It seems so surreal that its all over. I had no issues signing the papers, in fact it felt great knowing that under the eyes of the law and government, she will legally be her parents as she rightfully should be and I think that them having to jump through all these hoops just because another woman carried the baby is stupid. But that's a whole other post lol

I am still struggling a bit with the lack of communication, I wont deny that. I have a shit tonne of milk stored (and I mean a TONNE), and I don't know if they want it. I'm happy to continue pumping if they want the milk...but am just fine stopping as well if they don't. I'm feeling a bit out of place right now, like I don't know what my roll is right now (other then wife and mother). I've spent the last year being at the center of this journey, regular communication, being pregnant and people knowing I'm pregnant and having that segue into a conversation about surrogacy and being a surrogate. Then you give birth, and you don't have a baby so no one knows that you have just given birth and what an amazing thing you were a part of. You want to scream from the rooftops "Guess what I just did!!?!", you want to talk about it to everyone you meet....but how do you segue into that? You just feel out of place....trying to find whats normal again.Trying to figure out how to live the normal life you lived before entering into the world of surrogacy. Then on top of all that, not knowing how things are going with the family you helped create, makes things really difficult. Its definitely not what I thought I would struggle with, if I struggled with anything. I thought if anything, I would struggle with not having a baby at home (and even then, I've never really worried about that).But THAT definitely is not an issue lol I am quite thankful to get a full nights sleep thank you very much lol. I had one day that was particularly hard....and then that evening, I got flowers delivered to me by A's parents, with a beautifully written card, so the timing of that was good...I needed that...since then, its gotten better and I don't feel as anxious...I guess I just needed that day to cry and be a little sad. Anyhow, I feel like maybe I'm not articulating myself properly and rambling as always. I just want to make it very clear, that I am not suffering baby blues, ppd, or anything like that. I am actually very happy and quite enjoying this time with my family that I have off work right now. So please, don't worry about me. I am simply trying to find a new "normal" and trying to figure out where my place is right now. I don't want to bug the new family, so I'm avoiding texting and emailing them (even though my fingers are itching to lol). I guess if they want to talk to me, they will. I just hope that that's sometime soon cause I miss them already and could really use an update and pic :)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

10 days old

Well, little Hazel is 10 days old (well...its after midnight so I guess shes 11 days old now lol). I saw her on Friday and got some cuddles in with the Cuddly Wrap. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I LOVE the wrap. I think its the best thing EVER to carry your baby in. I especially think its great for intended moms who wish to have skin to skin with their baby as much as possible, to facilitate a bonding experience. Anyhow...I took my wrap to A and D so they could use it for Hazel and I had her in it on me for a bit...then we put it on A and they had a good cuddle in it as well. Both mom and babe LOVED it (and whats not to love...really). Here are a couple pics of me with Juli in the wrap. I just love it and have to share!!!

10 months

1 year old
2 years old
I have been pumping like crazy. I have never been a huge producer so I wasn't expecting to get a lot. But, apparently, my body decided to do a good job this time (maybe my body just prefers pumping to nursing) because I'm getting a lot of milk. Now, I didn't get anything for 3 days. Literally nothing. I would pump and it would be dry...not even colostrum. It was discouraging because I would feel like I was getting some, and then nothing would come out. Finally I started getting some and when she was 5 days old, I was able to take about 25oz of milk to her. Then, when she was 7 days old, I was able to take another 25 oz. So, I doubled my production. Now, I have stored in my freezer about 80oz of milk that I have pumped since Friday evening!!!! Its now Monday night (or early Tuesday, however you want to look at it lol...its 1am OK! lol) and I have 80oz!!!!! I am very excited by this....can ya tell?! I feel really good that I have been able to pump so much milk for her. For her first 4 days of life though, she was only on formula so when she got my milk, she got a little gassy apparently and didn't drink it as fast as she had been drinking the formula. Her mom realized though that she needed to mix the formula and breast milk and gradually introduce it, since she was so used to the formula. Hopefully she tolerates my milk OK. If it turns out she doesn't, there is this great way of donating to people right in your community. Human Milk for Human Babies is a great way to connect with moms who are looking for breast milk for their babies so if you are a pumping mom reading this right now...or you have milk stored in your freezer that you will not be using, check out the site, go to the community pages and find the city near you.  http://www.hm4hb.net/   I have a friend who already connected to a mom in our community. I think its great!!!!

My first milk delivery!!! Yes...I was dating them Dec not Jan lol
Anyhow, the big question I keep getting asked is how am I doing. And when people ask, its not that they are asking how am I doing physically in my recovery after giving birth, but how am I doing mentally. I know that when people ask me that question, they really mean "Do you have the baby blues". While I really appreciate the concern, its a little annoying lol. For the record....I feel great! Both physically and mentally. I do find that I get a little tired when Im doing too much. My body has no problem telling me to slow down, and I do. I dont want to bleed any longer then I have to and I know that rest is essential to reducing the amount of time you bleed. Mentally, I feel really good. I am so happy that Hazel is with her parents. I have no regrets doing this surrogacy, in fact, I am really looking forward to the next journey!!! Yes, you read right. I would LOVE to be pregnant again lol If there is anything I am "sad" about, its that Im not pregnant anymore. I dont feel like I am missing out on having a baby at home. I just miss being pregnant. I LOVE being pregnant!!!! Feeling the movements and knowing I have life in me...its amazing!! I would say the only thing I am feeling that is not what I expected, is anxiety. Its the only way I can describe it really. I feel anxious that I dont know how things are going with them. And not just with Hazel, but with the three of them. I felt like when I was pregnant, I could text them or email them any time and know I wasnt bugging them. Now....I feel like I dont have a good enough reason to text them. They dont need to "check in" with me! Its not my business really. Maybe I worry a bit that they wont keep in contact. I dont know. Well, maybe I do know that thats what it is. Its been my main worry through the whole thing...that they would drop off and I wouldnt hear from them anymore. In my heart, I know that wont happen...but I still fear it. And if thats what I wanted in a surrogacy, then I would have been clear about that...but thats not what I wanted. I feel like they are a part of my family in a way...and even if they dont feel that way about me, I understand. I just cant help how I feel. So, it would be very devestating to me to lose contact. So maybe thats where the anxiety is coming from. I just saw them on Friday and yet, I miss not having contact. And now Im reading that and realizing, I look like a stalker LOL. Anyhow...Im rambling and I should just shut up now. If any of my fellow surro readers is reading this and cares to comment on the anxiety thing (as in, tell me its normal LOL) then that would be great!!!
For now...here is a pic I took on Friday of me and Hazel....damnn shes cute!!!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Well...its been three days (hard to believe actually!) And I basically spent today laying in bed doing absolutely NOTHING! It was great!!!! My husband is seriously the best husband on the planet. He went through this whole journey without so much as a complaint. He helped me when I needed help, he supported me with whatever I needed and was there for the amazing birth, holding my hand, and just as emotional as the rest of us. He truly is a gem. Today while I did nothing, he kept the kids in order, brought me my breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed, and did whatever else I needed. I just needed a day to lay down and let my body heal...the more relaxing I do, the less bleeding I had and the quicker things heal up so I decided that today was that day that I would just do nothing, and my amazing husband allowed that to happen for me!!! I love you Miles...you really are the most amazing man and husband anyone could ask for.

While I was doing nothing, I put together a little video of the journey...I hope you all enjoy!!!


video