Current happenings

9 months. Yep...Esme is 9 months old. I dont see the girls that often, but when I do, I enjoy every minute of cuddles with these beauties.

For the first time, ever, I am considering getting my tubes tied. Ive never considered it before, but Im at a point now where Im pretty seriously considering it. Im single. Im done having children. I definitely do not want more. I dont want to worry about pregnancy at all. Theres only so many fixed guys I can date (haha...wow...I just made myself sound a little whorey there lol). Seriously though....I think Im ready to take the step to being permanently fixed. Now....to book the appointment with the gyno.....

In other news. I work for BCAA (British Columbia Automobile Association). For those not from here or familiar, this is the same as CAA in Canada or AAA in the states. We provide emergency roadside assistance to those with car troubles. Well....38 days ago, they locked us call takers and dispatchers out. What it comes down to, is fairness in the workplace. The rest of the company, works 35 hours a week....we work 40 hours a week....and we get paid the same. So we work more hours for the same amount as someone working less. On top of that, I should mention that we work holidays and evenings and such...these other people dont. Thats not the issue, but just to put it into perspective. We lose a lot of important time with our families and miss holidays and stuff because of our job, no one else does. They work fewer hours, get all the holidays and we work more and work all the holidays and in the end, make the same. We just want to be treated fairly in our own work place. Either let us work 35 hours, or pay us for the 40...thats it. Simple

Our employer is of course, only telling our co-workers in the company that WE are the ones that are being difficult and telling half truths and full lies. They have been dishonest at the labour court and all in all, seem to not know what the hell they are doing. Our managers are working 16 hour days for days and days at a time (2 have worked every day of the lockout) and then having the nerve to say that WE are not safe (because we walk in front of them trying to cross the picket line) but letting these managers drive home after days of these long shifts. This same company, has recruited some of our drivers (non union) to come in and do our job, These drivers are now scabs and will be treated very differently by us...it has definitely changed our relationship with them, people who we didnt have an issue with before. Its very unfortunate. Our employer will have everyone believe that they are actively trying to negotiate a fair deal, but the truth is, they havent made any attempts since December and unless we take the 35 work week off the table, they wont talk to us. That is NOT negotiating. That is strong arming and we are not accepting that. Its the only thing we are really after. Anyhow....with each passing day, we realize we are in this for the long haul. If you are a BCAA member, please call in and ask them to come back to the table and negotiate a fair deal. Youll be experienceing long wait times and shitty service on the phones until we get back in there and doing what we love...helping people.

LOCKED OUT!!!

Scabby the rat 

Day 38 now...but whos counting?

If you're a member...heck, even if you're not...call in and ask them to end the lockout!!!

Hazel and her friend Will

Arent they cute?

May 2015

3 months old...Christmas...how goes it

I cant believe its been 3 months since Esme was born and Hazel turned 3. Im sorry I havent posted any updates, Im not really sure what to write really and with Christmas and such, its just been so busy.

Since Esmes birth, I have seen her three times. Once about a week after she was born (to deliver milk) again when she was a few weeks old, and then just before Christmas, to deliver some gifts to the girls and my IPs. In terms of how I am feeling and stuff, I feel pretty good most days. The emotional side has been easier this time around. I guess because I knew what to expect. But in other ways, its been harder.
Throughout this whole journey, there wasnt nearly the amount of contact as there was in the first journey. To be expected really. They have a toddler demanding their attention and both working full time. After Hazel was born, the contact became very little and it made me very sad at times. Not because of missing the baby, but the relationship. I know Ive talked about this before. I accepted it, and became fine with things. I had hoped that maybe contact would amp up a bit during this pregnancy, but it didnt really, so I went into delivery, prepared for little contact again. What I didnt expect, was there to be as little as there is. If I text, I dont get a response. Its fine most of the time, but it did bother me at Christmas and on Hazels birthday...I wont lie. It hurt a bit. I know I know...it not about me. They have their lives and are busy and such. But I would think if I text saying Merry Christmas and Happy birthday, I would get some sort of reply. When I didnt....it hurt. Thankfully, I am strong and not prone to pp depression or anything. I dont cry about it or complain...I just get a bit sad here and there thinking how nice it would be to have had a reply. From here on out, I wont bother them. If they want to talk to me, then they can message me. I know deep in my heart, they love me and they appreciate what I did to help them become a family....a beautiful family at that.

Just before Christmas, I went to visit and brought the girls each some pj's and A and D a personalized family tree ornament. Spent a couple hours hanging out with A's brother and his wife, mom and dad and the girls. Had a beer with D even. It was a great visit and I got lots of snuggles. Finally got to see Esme with her eyes open lol When I was feeding her a bottle, she looked at me like "who the f*#k are you?! lol She only likes taking bottles from her mommy.

I returned to work 6 weeks after Esme was born and its been super busy so keeping me on my toes. Back into the swing of dating, as I have been single for almost 2 years now (a year officially separated). Seems guys dont dig pregnant women lol But now that Im not pregnant, Im getting back out there. Its been hard. Dating is not what it was when I was last single 16 or so years ago lol I can tell you that men are way more confusing than women...and they think we're crazy (we are...just a different kind). Men are not clear about anything. The dating sites suck. The guys on there either want just a bed pal, or they want the whole family marriage thing. Im kinda looking for something more in between. Relationship but no living together lol Not looking at marriage any time in the even distant future lol Anyhow...thats how that goes. I started running as a way to get active and lose some weight. Its been a challenge but Im ready for it. I need to take care of me now...feel and look good. I am definitely done with having babies and would like to get somewhat of my body back.

Anyhow....thats about it. Here are some photos. :)

About a week old

The girls and I....Esme is about a week old

The girls meeting Esem for the first time

My eldest Madison and Esme

Middle child Braelyn holding Esme

Youngest Juli holding Esme

Esme and I at our Christmas visit

Getting her burp on lol

Smiles

Not quite sure what Hazel was doing here...but its hella cute

Shes finally here!!!

So after a hellish week, baby is finally here!!!

As you know, since about 37 weeks, I have been dealing with high blood pressure. It was borderline to where they take quick action (I has having readings in about the 140/85 area....they take it very very seriously when it gets to 150/90). Well, I ended up getting to the 150/90 mark and so I was referred to the OB. So on Monday Tuesday and Wednesday, I had membrane sweeps and there had been no change. An hour after my sweep on Wednesday, I saw the OB, He looked at all my stuff, then went to do my blood pressure and it was very high. He looked at A and I and said "You need to go to the hospital right now. You are being induced." we were like "Wait what? Like today?" hes like "Yes, right now. Go straight to the hospital. If your blood pressure is this high still, you will start blood pressure medication as well. But you are definitely getting induced today". I said "Ok, well Ill just go home and grab my bag then" and he says "No youre not. You are going right now". 

We left the office and I called the midwife, who said to go get my bag, it was fine (I live 5 min from the hospital). So we went back to my place to drop my car off and grab my bag, and off to the hospital we went. When we got there, they hooked me up to the monitors and listened to baby. She sounded great. My blood pressure had come back down. My midwife came and saw me and after spending a couple hours there, they determined I didnt need induction right now and the OB said ok, but that I was to return at 9:00 the next morning for another NST and BP check. If it was high then, then I was to remain at the hospital for monitoring until the afternoon when they could do the induction. Well...I returned the next day, and my BP was fine and so was baby....so....I was told to come back the next morning at 9:30 and we would go from there (our L&D ward only schedules 3 procedures a day and they already had 2 c-sections and an induction scheduled so they would keep me till after those were done). 

So...I went home...again. I returned the next morning (Friday), totally frustrated by this point. I had just spend 2-3 hours a day at the hospital for the past 4 days with no progress after 3 sweeps and a bunch of monitoring. I was now 2 days before my due date (all the others, except my first born, were born 3-4 days before due date and came on their own) and I was just done. I really dont like intervention and so while I wasnt wanting an induction, I was kinda welcoming it at this point lol. Imagine my delight when I went in, and my nurse whos been monitoring me the past week, comes in and throws a gown at me and says"Put this on! Youre being induced!!! Strict orders from Dr O" (Dr O is the OB). YAY! Finally! I text A and told her that we were finally being induced!!!

My midwife came in and put in the cervadil around 11am Friday morning and I stuck around for an hour for monitoring and then was able to go home and wait it out. And wait it out is what I did. I felt NOTHING for hours and hours. I had a couple cry sessions cause I seriously thought it wasnt working. I was thinking, how is it that this is my 5th one and my body is not showing up for the game here! It should be like "I got this shit!" but no...nothing... Finally, around 8pm I started to feel what I thought could be contractions. At the same time, I wondered if it was just wishful thinking lol I sat on the exercise ball and hoped that would help...they did come on a bit more intense but nothing major. By 11pm I started actually timing them using an app on my phone. Very helpful, cause I was by myself still at this point. At around 1am, I called L&D because I had been having regular contractions every 2-3 minutes apart lasting for a min-a minute and a half. I had already called A & D and Miles and gave them the heads up and they were all making their way to my place. The nurse at the hospital said that everything I was saying indicated I should come in, and that she would call my midwife. So, I called A and D back and told them to meet at the hospital.

We got to the hospital around 2am and it was a total clusterf-k. It was like they had a skeleton crew on or somthing, and there was a new nurse that just didnt know what she was doing (she had just come from another hospital that didnt have an L&D and was changing her specialty. Anyhow, by the time my midwife had arrived, I hadnt been hooked up to monitors yet, and my blood pressure still hadnt been checked (hello, kinda the reason I was induced). They got me all hooked up, my BP was quite high. Midwife checked and I was 5cm with a bulging waters. I guess around 3:30 or so, my water broke (time gets hazy here lol). Contractions had already been coming on hard and on top of one another by this point. There was hardly a break in between. My back was killing me, I was having really bad ligament pain and the new nurse was pissing me off lol. I always feel like Im being really loud but everytime I apologized everyone says "Stop! You are hardly making any noise at all!" A calls me a silent birther lol 

Well, as any birthing woman knows, there is a moment when you know that its time. And that moment arrived. I knew she was coming and told everyone to get ready shes coming soon. Miles had the camera out (as did D) and the midwife gave A some gloves. I started feeling the urge to push and so it began. Her head popped out, and I was told to stop. Cord around neck, so that was removed. I heard A saying "I have my hands on her head Darshan!!!" she sounded so excited. She kinda just hung out there for a minute as I didnt have a contraction now lol Next one finally came and at 3:56am, out popped shoulders and the rest of baby, right into her mommys hands. I looked down and saw her holding her, big smiles on her face. Baby girl was SCREAMING away. She has got a set of lungs on her, thats for sure. 

After this is when things got a little hairy. I had had the shot of oxytocin to help move the placenta out. But, it didnt want to come out. I stopped contracting completely and after 45 minutes of it not being delivered (they consider it retained after 30) the midwife had to call the OB and get him to come in to possibly do a manual removal and I was started on an oxytocin drip. I was scared, but trying very hard not to show it. You could feel the tension in all of us. While we were waiting, I held babe (even before her own daddy hahaha). We were trying to keep things light. I really did not want to end up in the OR under general anesthesia after going through everything already. Thankfully, about an hour and 10 min after she was born, the placenta finally came out. Insert collective sigh of relief!!! But, it was not a nice looking placenta that is for sure. It came out in tact thankfully, but it was small, there was a lot of calcification and there were dead spots on it. It looked shriveled in areas. 5 deliveries and this was the only one that looked like that. Its safe to say, that doing the induction was the best thing for her (and I of course) cause the placenta just wasnt doing its job anymore. 

So after that, I got one little stitch (yay not too bad....thankful for a 6 lb 14 oz baby!) and we just enjoyed the next several hours together until little Hazel came to meet her little sister, around 10:30 am. It was so beautiful to see my two surro babes together, and to see this now family of 4 complete. A's parents brought Hazel and as always, A's dad had the sweetest words to say to me. How one person can bring me to tears just with a couple of words, is amazing. They really are wonderful people. Ugh...Im crying now thinking about it hahaha.

Hazel started to get a little antsy so Grandma and Grandpa took her back home and A & D and baby went to the nursery for bath time and such. I cleaned up a bit and got dressed (well, I got pants on lol) and got my stuff ready and called my dad to come pick me up. They got  back from the nursery and got themselves ready too. We all ended up leaving at the same time...me home to recover, and them home to start their new life as a family of 4. It was really such an amazing day.

I put together a slideshow, just like I did with Hazel but its too big to load right now. Gotta get it on Youtube first. So here are some pictures of little Esme and her birth.

Hazel meeting her little sister

My gorgeous surrobabes and I

Quick update

So my BP is holding on at the borderline level...managing to keep it enough down to not warrant seeing the OB, however, my blood work showed some elevated liver enzymes so I was sent for an NST today. Everything looked good (well, as good as they can be at this point) and while my files been sent to the OB for consult, I likely wont hear from him until Monday. I go back Tuesday for another NST and the midwife. Im hoping that perhaps, she will give my membranes a sweep and maybe Ill go into labour on my own like I did with Hazel. Otherwise, I think Ill end up being induced on Wednesday....I just have a feeling. We shall see!

38 weeks

NST delight!

Doing well

So after my high blood pressure reading at the midwife, I went back in the morning for another one and it was high, but under the threashold....so....she sent me for blood work just to check everything out and its come back normal, and since then, I have had my BP checked a couple times. Once by a nurse who was getting my vitals and blood and urine sample for my life insurance renewal, who checked it three times and it was below what its been my whole pregnancy (weird) and then at home a couple times on my dads BP machine. Everything has been normal. So...I go to my next midwife appointment on tuesday and hopefully, white coat syndrome doesnt set in lol

I recently had a photo shoot with my friend Cecile who has done my family photos and my professional photos from my first surro journey. Im happy with the results! Here are a few of my favorites!

This is my favorite!!!!

Discouraging appointment today

We had our 37 weeks midwife appointment today (we are at weekly visits now) and so I am considered full term, which is great. However, if you followed me through Hazels journey, you will remember that I spiked in blood pressure near the end. For the past weeks of her pregnancy, I managed to stay just under the threshold until 4 days before she was due (I had been sitting around  150/80 for a few weeks). When I had two back to back high readings (one at the midwife appointment and then the next day at a re check) I went to have an NST and an OB consult who said lets induce tomorrow. I went into labour that night. But...I was only 4 days before my due date.

Well....Im 37 weeks and today, my BP was 150/90 which is where they start getting proactive. I go back tomorrow to the midwife for another BP check. If its still high, then I will go have bloodwork to see how my liver is doing and then possible an NST depending on what the midwife thinks. Then, we go from there. Im really hoping, that the days events just led me to have a higher BP and that tomorrow morning it will be fine...but Im worried. Last time I was so close to my due date....the threat of induction and the membrane sweep, seemed to work well cause I went into labour that night. I worry that its too soon for that threat to work and Ill have to be induced. I HATE intervention. Thats why I go to a midwife after all...to avoid it if I can. So...thats where were at. A D and Hazel came for dinner tonight and as they were leaving we were all saying we dont want to see each other for another week lol Hazel was so cute. She would point at my belly and say "My baby sister in there" and loved to touch my belly. She got to hear the heartbeat and even feel her move. So other than the BP thing....it was a great appointment (GBS swab came back negative as well...yay!)
Anyhow...heres a couple pics!

35 weeks

36 weeks

37 weeks

Their pea My pod

Hazel Grace!

35 weeks

I really dont intend to be neglectful. Its weird how with surro journey number one, I was blogging all the time. But this time its a bit different all around. First time around, it was new. Everything was interesting lol Not to say that its not interesting now, but I feel kinda like Im an old hat at it, ya know. First time around,  it was almost daily or every second day contact between A and I. This time, not as much. We see each other every month at appointments, and text here and there. But the texts and emails are much fewer and far between. Shes busy being a mom....I really think thats the difference. And I actually dont mind.

After Hazel was born, we went from this daily contact to almost nothing. People often asked, do you miss the baby? I didnt miss her, I missed the connection with the family...the relationship with them as a whole. It was like I didnt know my place anymore. I wasnt a surrogate anymore (although I know I will always be a surrogate)...I didnt have this purpose. I was just, Darshan. By week 3, I was having a really hard time (Ill blame it mostly on hormones) and then I received a beautiful card from A's parents and it just made a world of difference. It lifted me up. I needed it. I think this time around, it will be easier. We didnt talk as much throughout this pregnancy, and I am ok with that! I dont dwell on it, nor am I upset...its just the way it is.

The past 3 midwife appointments, Hazel hasnt been able to join us. Its given us time to really talk and connect a bit and for that I am grateful. I feel very blessed to have the connection I have with A. To be able to talk about anything and for us to both open up to each other. Often these conversations center around our thoughts surrounding surrogacy, her cancer and inability to have her own baby. Its often emotional and we cry. We also laugh about random things and find the same things to be funny, even though some people wouldnt "get it". I know that she too appreciates our relationship.

After last weeks midwife appointment, A and I went for coffee and I brought up something I wasnt sure she would be into, but thankfully, was totally on board! After baby #2 is born, and shes not so floppy and rag dollish, I really would love to have some pictures taken of us together. A and D, Hazel, baby #2 and myself. Of course, some with just me and my surrogirls as well. I want to put these pictures together in a collage with pregnancy photos (the professional ones from Hazels pregnancy, and ones I am going to have taken in the next couple of weeks) and commemorate this wonderful journey we have been on together, to create this beautiful family. While I am so very proud that I was able to grow and birth and raise my own three daughters, helping build this family is my biggest accomplishment in life so far and I want to show that off on my wall. When its all said and done, A and D dont really have to get into the story of how they had their children. People who dont know them, will just assume she had her babies just like most normal situations. They dont ever have to mention my name or tell anyone that someone else carried their children. But me....Ill always want to tell people. When people ask how many babies I have had, I will always say 5. If I say anything about being pregnant, it will almost always be "Ive had 5 babies" which will then usually require explanation when they realize I only have three kids. This wont be something that Ill ever be able to, or want to, hide. It will be openly talked about and very proudly. I want this on my wall to show this beautiful family and how miraculous the whole thing is....cause it really is. I was super excited when A said she was on board with it!!!! And agreed that when baby isnt floppy would be the best time. I cant even explain, how excited I am about it!!!! She even said she would really love to do that. I am super stoked!!!

Anyhow....other than all that, there isnt too much to say. I am measuring perfectly, baby has been very active and has been head down since forever. Ive passed my gestational diabetes test (YAY) and my blood pressure has been doing well. (Those who were around last time, may remember that I had a rise in bp during the last few weeks, almost resulting in an induction). We are fortunate that the nurse that attended Hazels delivery, is the head nurse coordinator at the hospital now and thus familiar with our case. So, we dont require going for another big meeting will all the important peeps. She will just send out an email reminder and put notes in our file and badda bing, were good to have a baby there....we were the first, and will be the second, surrogate birth at my community hospital! Pretty cool I think!!

Well....here are some pictures!

Braelyn and I in Kelowna for a wedding

Madison Miles and I at Maddies grade 7 grad ceremony....
I cant believe how grown up she is.

The three of us at the park!

Braelyn and her newly pierced ears!

Maddie participated in the Zombie Walk of Vancouver again this year
Did her whole outfit herself!

Day at the PNE

I have put this dress on for a photo around 33 weeks for every pregnancy....I think its pretty cool!!!

28 weeks

29 weeks

30 weeks

32 weeks

33 weeks

34 weeks