Monday, February 27, 2012


The "C" word. I hate the "C" word. I hate it with every bone in my body. Why have I got cancer on my mind right now? Well last Wednesday, would have been my dear friend Juli's birthday. I know I posted last year about her but Im going to do it again....and Ill likely, do it again and again. Juli was a beautiful person, inside and out. Her smile was bright and her laughter infectious. I miss her....I miss her a shit tonne. I wish she was here for my children to know. I wish she was here to see the amazing thing I was a part of....I know she would be proud of me. Juli lost her fight with metastatic cervical cancer at the young age of 33. When she lost her uterus and cervix in an effort to keep the cancer from coming, I had offered to carry a baby for her, if the time came that she wanted to have children. I remember the day like it was yesterday. We were sitting in White Spot in New Westminster and were talking about her upcoming surgery. We were emotional (of course) and I brought it up. We cried some more.Then we went to Starbucks and had Frappuccinos and cried some more! When she passed away, I thought my chance to carry for another couple, would likely never happen. Little did I know that the universe had other plans for me. A plan that would have me carry a baby for a woman who also had her life and fertility affected by cancer. Carrying a baby for someone who had cancer, made my whole journey even that much more special to me. I often had the question "what if her cancer comes back?" What if it did come back??? I could get cancer, you could get cancer...anyone can get cancer. It doesnt discriminate...I sure as hell wont!!! Cancer took enough from A....Im not going to let "what if" prevent me from helping her to become a mom!!!

My kids will grow up knowing who Juli was. My youngest daughter will know that she was named after an incredible human being and sunshiny soul. I'll tell them about how she tried to force feed me after I had my oldest daughter, and didnt want to eat the hospital food and how I wanted to throttle her. Ill tell them about the time we went through the haunted houses at Fright Nights and she screamed the whole way through and we all laughed our asses off. I'll tell them about how we would all go for dinner (our crew of Miles co-workers) and the funny shit she would say about one of the girlfriends (she was never one of "us" know what Im talking about Lora lol). Ill tell them about how, when after she had been diagnosed as terminal, and I was planning a visit, I asked if she could drink a Frap....she said to bring one anyway so it will be like old times (even if she was too sick to drink it, it would make her feel better to have it in her hand). Ill tell them about how she touched so many peoples lives, that at the warehouse where she worked with Miles, her belongings box, sat in its place, her name on the side and that someone had nailed it down because thats just where it was supposed to stay, and no one was moving it....until the warehouse was moved. And Ill tell them about how beautiful she looked, even as she was nearing death and how she passed with dignity and grace.

This June 2nd is the 21st annual Relay for Life. This event benefits the Canadian Cancer Society and helps raise funds to support those affected with cancer. I firmly believe that there is already a cure for cancer....I dont raise funds, volunteer and participate in this event because I want to find a cure (cause as I mentioned, I believe there is a cure...but the government makes too much money off people dying....thats a whole other story, we wont go there)... but I do it to help support cancer patients, survivors and their families. I do it to celebrate those who have survived and remember those we have lost. I started a team the year we lost Juli and ran a team the next couple of years but after 3 years of doing it, I realized that this was much more important to me, then it was to others. I put so much effort into it, and got upset when others didnt do the same. So, instead of running a team, I volunteer my time (the very little time I have)  to help with the steering committee in the photography end of thing. Ill be working my butt off the whole day, taking pictures of the days events and having a great time, hanging with my "relay peeps" and hearing incredible stories of courage and hope and participating in the most life changing part about relay...the silent lap. It really is an amazing event. While I dont have my name on the committee page just yet, I am going to get my name on it (hadnt asked yet lol) but if you would like to donate to my "team" please click here and make a general team donation (unless you see my name there then donate to me). Every penny counts!!!

Anyhow...I heard this song on the radio and cried through the whole thing. While its about breast cancer (everything seems to be about breast cancer...I wish it wasnt so concentrated on that....thats why I like relay because it helps people with all types of cancer) its a touching song and the video even more so. I hope you enjoy. Martina McBride...Im Gonna Love you Through It

              Beautiful Juli and my oldest daughter Madison....
              miss you and love you always my dear friend

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Life stinks sometimes stinks. Life sucks big butt!!! Im not quite sure how much is supposed to happen in one week but Im pretty I and the people around me have had enough.
First off a close friend of mine was pregnant with twins and lost those babies at 25 weeks in a car accident. All I can say, is please, sit as far back from the air bag at all times, but especially when pregnant!!! No sooner does she get home from that ordeal, then she finds out that her friend was found dead that morning. So for the next week, I worried about her, trying to get her to take care of herself all while she is taking care of the family of her friend (they didnt know what she just went through). Ive worried non stop about her and just want her to mourn her loss.
As if that wasnt sad enough, but on Monday, while driving on an icy road, my cousin (24 years old) slid on the ice, hit a pole and rolled over...he was killed instantly. Its just so unfair. His mother, died not even a year ago. My poor cousins have been through so much and our family is so hurt right now. My cousin had a little girl who will never know what  kind of person her dad was. Its just so sad.

Now, to top it off, Im sick. I think my body is telling me to take it easy but obviously, I cant. I need to be strong...for best as I can be anyway.
So Im rambling...sorry...I best sign off now and go get some sleep or somthing

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Pumping over and done...thank goodness!!!

Yep...thats right. I decided I am done with pumping. Well, I kind of decided lol. My body pretty much decided for me after a weekend away in Victoria with 19 Girl Guides....getting stuck in the ferry terminal for several hours after the ferrys were cancelled do to hurricane force winds. We ended up being stuck there over night and had to stay in a hotel. But just that weekend of reducing my sessions from every 3 hours to anywhere between 4 and 6 hours, and on the last day when were stuck, I didnt pump for 8 production went down and once my production goes down, its very hard for me to up it again. So...I went with it. Started weaning and now its been 3 days since Ive pumped. Did I mention that drying up SUCKS?! I hate it. But, Ill be glad that I wont have to haul around a pump or put my life on hold every 3 hours to hook up to a device that makes me look like a cow whilst violating my nipples. My boobs are so sore. But Im getting through it, takeing sage capsules to help dry up quicker and using cabbage leaves, hot showers and cold compresses. So far, its going pretty good...its just my left one giving me a problem (its the one that produces the most milk so Im not surprised.

Anyhow...enough about my boobs (Im pretty sure everyone in my life will be very happy when Im done pumping and we no longer have to talk about my tits lol). I return to work today after having several weeks off from having the baby. I have really enjoyed this time off and honestly, dont want to go back to work. But gotta pay the bills. This is part of the reason why its good I stopped pumping ( boobs come up...again). I went for lunch with a co-worker the other day (Thanks are a wonderful friend!) and it came up that some of my co-workers (her included) were quite emotional when I had Hazel. It surprised me! I guess I never really thought that others around me (other then my immediate family) would feel after her birth.  I certainly never thought they would be emotional about it. Just goes to show what an amazing bunch of ladies I work with. I will have to get A and D to come in with her so everyone can meet her :)

So a week ago, A, D and Hazel as well as Miles and myself, went out for dinner to the Afghan Horsemen. OMG...this place has amazing food. Seriously, delicious. A and D and I had gone there after our 3D ultrasound and decided that we should go again...for a celebratory dinner basically. I got a good 2 hours of cuddles with sweet Hazel. She slept the entire time lol. Shes not gained a lot but shes getting there. Definitely not suffering thats for sure lol. We had a great conversation about all sorts of things. At times it was emotional (of course) but all in all it was a wonderful evening. I got a couple pics with her..finally Miles gets in on one...but I didnt let him hold her (was that mean? lol I was enjoying my cuddles!!! lol)