Monday, February 27, 2012


The "C" word. I hate the "C" word. I hate it with every bone in my body. Why have I got cancer on my mind right now? Well last Wednesday, would have been my dear friend Juli's birthday. I know I posted last year about her but Im going to do it again....and Ill likely, do it again and again. Juli was a beautiful person, inside and out. Her smile was bright and her laughter infectious. I miss her....I miss her a shit tonne. I wish she was here for my children to know. I wish she was here to see the amazing thing I was a part of....I know she would be proud of me. Juli lost her fight with metastatic cervical cancer at the young age of 33. When she lost her uterus and cervix in an effort to keep the cancer from coming, I had offered to carry a baby for her, if the time came that she wanted to have children. I remember the day like it was yesterday. We were sitting in White Spot in New Westminster and were talking about her upcoming surgery. We were emotional (of course) and I brought it up. We cried some more.Then we went to Starbucks and had Frappuccinos and cried some more! When she passed away, I thought my chance to carry for another couple, would likely never happen. Little did I know that the universe had other plans for me. A plan that would have me carry a baby for a woman who also had her life and fertility affected by cancer. Carrying a baby for someone who had cancer, made my whole journey even that much more special to me. I often had the question "what if her cancer comes back?" What if it did come back??? I could get cancer, you could get cancer...anyone can get cancer. It doesnt discriminate...I sure as hell wont!!! Cancer took enough from A....Im not going to let "what if" prevent me from helping her to become a mom!!!

My kids will grow up knowing who Juli was. My youngest daughter will know that she was named after an incredible human being and sunshiny soul. I'll tell them about how she tried to force feed me after I had my oldest daughter, and didnt want to eat the hospital food and how I wanted to throttle her. Ill tell them about the time we went through the haunted houses at Fright Nights and she screamed the whole way through and we all laughed our asses off. I'll tell them about how we would all go for dinner (our crew of Miles co-workers) and the funny shit she would say about one of the girlfriends (she was never one of "us" know what Im talking about Lora lol). Ill tell them about how, when after she had been diagnosed as terminal, and I was planning a visit, I asked if she could drink a Frap....she said to bring one anyway so it will be like old times (even if she was too sick to drink it, it would make her feel better to have it in her hand). Ill tell them about how she touched so many peoples lives, that at the warehouse where she worked with Miles, her belongings box, sat in its place, her name on the side and that someone had nailed it down because thats just where it was supposed to stay, and no one was moving it....until the warehouse was moved. And Ill tell them about how beautiful she looked, even as she was nearing death and how she passed with dignity and grace.

This June 2nd is the 21st annual Relay for Life. This event benefits the Canadian Cancer Society and helps raise funds to support those affected with cancer. I firmly believe that there is already a cure for cancer....I dont raise funds, volunteer and participate in this event because I want to find a cure (cause as I mentioned, I believe there is a cure...but the government makes too much money off people dying....thats a whole other story, we wont go there)... but I do it to help support cancer patients, survivors and their families. I do it to celebrate those who have survived and remember those we have lost. I started a team the year we lost Juli and ran a team the next couple of years but after 3 years of doing it, I realized that this was much more important to me, then it was to others. I put so much effort into it, and got upset when others didnt do the same. So, instead of running a team, I volunteer my time (the very little time I have)  to help with the steering committee in the photography end of thing. Ill be working my butt off the whole day, taking pictures of the days events and having a great time, hanging with my "relay peeps" and hearing incredible stories of courage and hope and participating in the most life changing part about relay...the silent lap. It really is an amazing event. While I dont have my name on the committee page just yet, I am going to get my name on it (hadnt asked yet lol) but if you would like to donate to my "team" please click here and make a general team donation (unless you see my name there then donate to me). Every penny counts!!!

Anyhow...I heard this song on the radio and cried through the whole thing. While its about breast cancer (everything seems to be about breast cancer...I wish it wasnt so concentrated on that....thats why I like relay because it helps people with all types of cancer) its a touching song and the video even more so. I hope you enjoy. Martina McBride...Im Gonna Love you Through It

              Beautiful Juli and my oldest daughter Madison....
              miss you and love you always my dear friend


Jeni said...

What an emotional story you've told. I could only fight the lump in my throat for so long...

Beautiful friend. Beautiful memories. Beautiful tribute.

paradykes said...

Thank you for this beautiful post and for everything you do for the cause.