After Hazel was born, we went from this daily contact to almost nothing. People often asked, do you miss the baby? I didnt miss her, I missed the connection with the family...the relationship with them as a whole. It was like I didnt know my place anymore. I wasnt a surrogate anymore (although I know I will always be a surrogate)...I didnt have this purpose. I was just, Darshan. By week 3, I was having a really hard time (Ill blame it mostly on hormones) and then I received a beautiful card from A's parents and it just made a world of difference. It lifted me up. I needed it. I think this time around, it will be easier. We didnt talk as much throughout this pregnancy, and I am ok with that! I dont dwell on it, nor am I upset...its just the way it is.
The past 3 midwife appointments, Hazel hasnt been able to join us. Its given us time to really talk and connect a bit and for that I am grateful. I feel very blessed to have the connection I have with A. To be able to talk about anything and for us to both open up to each other. Often these conversations center around our thoughts surrounding surrogacy, her cancer and inability to have her own baby. Its often emotional and we cry. We also laugh about random things and find the same things to be funny, even though some people wouldnt "get it". I know that she too appreciates our relationship.
After last weeks midwife appointment, A and I went for coffee and I brought up something I wasnt sure she would be into, but thankfully, was totally on board! After baby #2 is born, and shes not so floppy and rag dollish, I really would love to have some pictures taken of us together. A and D, Hazel, baby #2 and myself. Of course, some with just me and my surrogirls as well. I want to put these pictures together in a collage with pregnancy photos (the professional ones from Hazels pregnancy, and ones I am going to have taken in the next couple of weeks) and commemorate this wonderful journey we have been on together, to create this beautiful family. While I am so very proud that I was able to grow and birth and raise my own three daughters, helping build this family is my biggest accomplishment in life so far and I want to show that off on my wall. When its all said and done, A and D dont really have to get into the story of how they had their children. People who dont know them, will just assume she had her babies just like most normal situations. They dont ever have to mention my name or tell anyone that someone else carried their children. But me....Ill always want to tell people. When people ask how many babies I have had, I will always say 5. If I say anything about being pregnant, it will almost always be "Ive had 5 babies" which will then usually require explanation when they realize I only have three kids. This wont be something that Ill ever be able to, or want to, hide. It will be openly talked about and very proudly. I want this on my wall to show this beautiful family and how miraculous the whole thing is....cause it really is. I was super excited when A said she was on board with it!!!! And agreed that when baby isnt floppy would be the best time. I cant even explain, how excited I am about it!!!! She even said she would really love to do that. I am super stoked!!!
Anyhow....other than all that, there isnt too much to say. I am measuring perfectly, baby has been very active and has been head down since forever. Ive passed my gestational diabetes test (YAY) and my blood pressure has been doing well. (Those who were around last time, may remember that I had a rise in bp during the last few weeks, almost resulting in an induction). We are fortunate that the nurse that attended Hazels delivery, is the head nurse coordinator at the hospital now and thus familiar with our case. So, we dont require going for another big meeting will all the important peeps. She will just send out an email reminder and put notes in our file and badda bing, were good to have a baby there....we were the first, and will be the second, surrogate birth at my community hospital! Pretty cool I think!!
Well....here are some pictures!
|Braelyn and I in Kelowna for a wedding|
|Madison Miles and I at Maddies grade 7 grad ceremony....|
I cant believe how grown up she is.
|The three of us at the park!|
|Braelyn and her newly pierced ears!|
|Maddie participated in the Zombie Walk of Vancouver again this year|
Did her whole outfit herself!
|Day at the PNE|
|I have put this dress on for a photo around 33 weeks for every pregnancy....I think its pretty cool!!!|