I had trouble sleeping last night (as Im sure A did too!!) as all my thoughts keep going to the surrogacy! Good thoughts...positive thoughts....Im totally giddy!!! I had to post of Facebook that Im going to be a surrogate and woke up this morning to 19 comments lol Aparently I have lots of support which is so great!!!

My best friend Erin and I talked on the phone for an hour this morning...she is so excited for me and while I didnt think about it myself (wish I had lol) she thinks that meeting A and D was set up by Juli, our friend who passed from cancer and who our youngest daughter is named after. I offered to carry a baby for Juli when she was going to have her hysterectemy to prevent the cancer that unfortunatly developed and took her like. When she died, I thought I would never get a chance (well...her hubby thought it was bizzare so I dont think it would have happened anyway lol but at least I had a glimmer of hope lol). Erin said that Juli is wherever she is (heaven if you want to call it that...cause shes only gotta be in a good place) giggling away at what shes done lol...and I can see it. I totally believe there was intervention on her part here....THANK YOU JULI...I LOVE YOU!

While talking to A last night, she said that it felt good to know that we wanted the same things and that when I said I wanted the baby placed on her chest right away, it touched her as it was exactly what she wanted. I personally (and I said this to her) dont even understand, cant fathom, having any other thoughts. I dont understand how that wouldnt be what any surrogate would want...but Ive only known my own personal deep thoughts on the matter. Ive always imagined, haveing the parents a part of everything....being there for the transfer, the ultrasound appointments, drs appointments, shopping for stuff (baby stuff, materinty stuff) and ultimately being there at the birth, baby given to his or her mommy and daddy cutting the cord...now, I have faces to those parents...its so amazing.

I could go on and on and on forever, but that would be boring! Be prepared for a series of posts on how Im feeling through the holidays lol as not much will happen until the new year I can imagine. Their families will be around for the holidays...and if it works out, I would love to meet them! I wanna get the show on the road!!! Im soooooooo excited!!!!

Thank you everyone who supports me and my family during this. I have an amazing family....husband, children and parents and amazing friends (thank you so much especially to my cara Erin,Dan and Gail for your support and listening to my ramblings lol) And Miles...you are the most amazing man ever!!! I love you so much!

OH MY GOSH!!!!!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh OH MY GOSH!!!! A called me tonight and asked me to carry their baby!!!!!! I can't even believe it!!!! I'm so happy, excited, nervous... ECSTATIC!!!

I cant even put into words how honored I feel to be trusted with something so big and important as carrying another couples child. I dreamed of this moment. Since monday when we met, I cant stop thinking about it.All night at work, I couldn't concentrate as my thoughts kept going to the phone call I was waiting to receive when I got home. I found myself thinking about it, and my eyes welling up.Then giving my head a shake....thinking, they probably wont ask me anyway and I'm just wishful thinking...all the while also knowing that we clicked and had a connection when we met.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh deep breath Darshan. My heart is beating a million miles a minute. But also I feel so much more relaxed now that I know that I'm "the chosen one" lol

A....if your reading this....THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! Not only am I helping to make your dream of being a mother come true, but you are making mine come true as well!!! I cannot tell you how honored I am to do this for you. I can't wait to start this journey with you and D and I soooooo look forward to the day that your baby is placed in your arms forever :)

Ok....so tomorrow, I hit the gym. I want to be healthy and fit and at my best to give the best chance at getting pregnant. I gotta get back in the swing of things!!!

WE MET!!!

Our journey is really starting to hit! We met with A and D last night and needless to say, it was an awesome evening!!

We met at a local restaurant and they were waiting for us when we walked in the door....we greeted each other and were shown to our table (somewhere quiet near the back!) It didn't even start off all that awkward....I thought it might be, but it totally wasn't!!!

We talked quite a bit about their journey....how she had cancer twice, had a bone marrow transplant and is now about 6 years cancer free YAY! I asked them the question "What is your perfect surrogate situation?" and I told them mine....that I would love to have them a part of everything....from drs appointments, to ultrasounds, the birth, and to continue a relationship afterwards. I teared up as I told her that when the baby comes out, I dont want the baby placed on my chest, but rather, placed in her arms....as the mother is the first person who should hold their baby....and she is the mother, not me.

We totally seemed to click. Their ideas were on the same page as mine. Her eyes lit up when I said I would want them there for the birth! Miles and D talked about hockey, while A and I talked about more surrogacy stuff, why she didn't have embryos frozen before treatment, and I answered any questions she had for me. Turns out the fertility clinic pretty much takes care of everything, apart from the lawyers. All they have to do is call up the fertility clinics in Seattle to arrange for the egg donor...an ordeal that could take a few months. On the plus side, the clinic here used hormones in the forms of pills, so unless the clinic in Seattle is adamant about "prepping" me, then I shouldn't need to take shots YAY!!! (Although, I am prepared to if need be).

I feel real good about things. Something in me says that in a few months time, I will be spread eagle in a chair at the fertility clinic, having embryos placed inside me fertilized by D's sperm and a donor egg! Oh and by the sounds of things, using a fresh embryo yields a really excellent chance of pregnancy so we might just have to do one embryo, (although Im fine with two if thats what they want).so I think the chances of me getting pregnant are really good. I definetly have a really good feeling about how this is going to go.

I can't wait to get the show on the road! She will be calling me tomorrow!!! YIKES!!!

So A and D had a meeting with the fertility clinic a few days ago and I got an email from A about how it went and needless to say, this is actually looking like a possibility!! The found out lots of info on the clinics in Seattle where the eggs come from, about the physiological testing for her and I and all the other info they needed. So now comes the next step....meeting each other.

 I wont lie, Im scared shitless! lol I worry that we wont click, I worry that we are both setting our selves up, I worry most of all for them, that they will have another heart break. My ultimate hope is that we click, want the same experience and that we can start the process soon so they can have their baby...the baby that they deserve.

Monday (3 days away) we will be meeting each other....if all goes well, we will be on our way! So I need to renew my passport lol so I can be ready to go to seattle if need be!

Ill be posting once we meet...until then.....