Nothing really new to report...but its getting really exciting to be so close to the end. Ive had a very emotional last few days. I dont know if its just my hormones playing games with me, but it just seemed like everything came crashing down. An issue at work started it and I had a total meltdown while at work...then it continued yesturday when simple things like hitting every single red light on the way home, not finding what I was looking for at the store and then coming back out to my car only to not be able to get in because my key fob wouldnt work (also an immobilizer so even if I unlocked it, I wouldnt be able to start the car) taking me even longer to get home (I still hit every red light the rest of the way...and ended up having to stop for gas in the pissing down rain). I was so frustrated after such a loooooooooong (and I mean long...worked 6 hours, felt like 15) day at work. My feet hurt, I was hungry and with the emotions still running high from what happened the day before at work, I was spent. I just started bawling, again, as I was driving. Then thinking to myself, I am so stupid. This is nothing! Why are you crying?!! You are so dumb!!! Which then made me feel even worse. Ugh.
Pregnancy hormones?? I dont know...probably. Maybe its the impending end thats making me feel like this. I know that in just a few short weeks, I will no longer be pregnant. I know that contact with my IPs will likely be not as much as it was before, as they get used to their new life with their baby....bonding with her and not wanting me around to screw that up. I was always clear that I would love to continue a relationship after and I know that will happen to a degree, but probably not as much as I would like to have and I think that might have something to do with the way Im feeling. Its coming to an end it feels like. For the past year, its been all about this baby and bringing her into the world...who am I after? What am I after? Just a mom....just a wife. No longer a surrogate....no longer will I have a specific and important task. I wouldnt even mind starting another journey soon, but Ive committed to my IPs for a sibling in a couple years, and I dont want to jeopardize that by doing another one and then either having difficulties and not being able to be a surro again after, or by having difficulties conceiving for the next couple and then taking so long that my current IPs are ready and Im already in a journey with someone else. So...I wait...which is fine. Im happy to do so because I really really like my IPs. I think they are fantastic people and so deserving of this little girl. I hope that we have formed a life long bond between our families.
I think that after the sibling project, I would really like to carry for a gay couple. Ive seen so many blogs, and stories of amazing journeys and actually had a couple guys come into my work recently who are having a baby via surrogacy and just talking to them and the way they see the journey, is just amazing to me and I think I would like to be a part of that for a gay couple myself (not sure how others would see that but fuck em lol). After that, I would likely be done my baby carrying days lol I will likely be around 33 with the next one...then lets say 35. So I think that I should be done lol. I know...seems weird that Im even thinking about all that, but I am.
I would have to say that I always knew being a surrogate would be a pretty amazing journey. I knew I would love it. I was right. It is amazing. Its been such a great experience and I want to experience it again. But I wont put my life or my kids life in jeopardy to do it. So while I have a "plan", plans (like birth plans lol) dont always go as written so I guess I just wait and see.
Sorry for my ramblings...Ive had a lot floating in my head and heart...and I guess I just needed to get it out my fingertips....even if it makes no sense!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
34 weeks
Holy smokes! 34 weeks!!! Its amazing that just 1 year ago, my IPs and I met...and here we are, 6 weeks from having a baby!!!
I am feeling ok. Tired (but thats been about the theme of this pregnancy) and sore still with the sciatic pain.. She is sitting right on my pelvic bone and so when she has the hiccups, I feel it all through my pelvic and butt area lol. Its a little annoying lol. She does like to press her butt up into my ribs and so I get a little short of breath when she does that...I find myself then trying to push her back down lol
Little Bunnyhop is still stubborn as heck! Her mom and dad still have not felt her move (of course, as soon as I got home, she got all active). BUT at our midwife appointment today, the student midwife was nice enough to show them how baby was laying, by getting them to feel around my belly like she was to check position. She showed them where her bum was and they could clearly feel that and all the way along her back. I thought it was cool of her to do that. And she did move a little under her mommys hands but very little. I am measuring 34 so right on target, and I have only gained 19 lbs since the beginning of this journey...I think thats pretty good since I gained 25 in my last 2 pregnancies!!! My urine was good, but with trace amounts of protein and my blood pressure, which I had been worried about, the midwife was comfortable with at 118/80. Its been fluctuating up and down so she wasnt worried about it and had no concerns which is good...and will likely put me more at ease. Dec 6 we go for an appointment at the hospital to go over things....the rooming situation, what happens in the event of a c-section etc. Im feeling pretty good so far about how things will go. Of course, we dont know how labor will progress, but Im really hoping to labor at home for a good deal of time, then head to the hospital...leaving enough time for their family to come but also to not be stuck there all the live long day (I hate those hospital beds). Next appointment is also on the 6th, where Ill have my Group B swab...fingers crossed its negative (my other three pregnancies were) as I would really like NOT to be hooked up to IV for antibiotics.
Anyhow...heres a video of her moving around last week...and my 34 week belly pic!!! I sent the video
to her mom and dad....they thought it was crazy!
I am feeling ok. Tired (but thats been about the theme of this pregnancy) and sore still with the sciatic pain.. She is sitting right on my pelvic bone and so when she has the hiccups, I feel it all through my pelvic and butt area lol. Its a little annoying lol. She does like to press her butt up into my ribs and so I get a little short of breath when she does that...I find myself then trying to push her back down lol
Little Bunnyhop is still stubborn as heck! Her mom and dad still have not felt her move (of course, as soon as I got home, she got all active). BUT at our midwife appointment today, the student midwife was nice enough to show them how baby was laying, by getting them to feel around my belly like she was to check position. She showed them where her bum was and they could clearly feel that and all the way along her back. I thought it was cool of her to do that. And she did move a little under her mommys hands but very little. I am measuring 34 so right on target, and I have only gained 19 lbs since the beginning of this journey...I think thats pretty good since I gained 25 in my last 2 pregnancies!!! My urine was good, but with trace amounts of protein and my blood pressure, which I had been worried about, the midwife was comfortable with at 118/80. Its been fluctuating up and down so she wasnt worried about it and had no concerns which is good...and will likely put me more at ease. Dec 6 we go for an appointment at the hospital to go over things....the rooming situation, what happens in the event of a c-section etc. Im feeling pretty good so far about how things will go. Of course, we dont know how labor will progress, but Im really hoping to labor at home for a good deal of time, then head to the hospital...leaving enough time for their family to come but also to not be stuck there all the live long day (I hate those hospital beds). Next appointment is also on the 6th, where Ill have my Group B swab...fingers crossed its negative (my other three pregnancies were) as I would really like NOT to be hooked up to IV for antibiotics.
Anyhow...heres a video of her moving around last week...and my 34 week belly pic!!! I sent the video
to her mom and dad....they thought it was crazy!
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| 34 week belly |
Friday, November 18, 2011
Normally not a whiner...
....but today I gotta.
So for the first time in any pregnancy, I have totally messed up my sciatic so Im dealing with a great deal of lower back pain right now. Im fine if I dont have to stand for hours, but when Im at work, and on my feet, it tweaks here and there. Then I woke up this morning, and my levator scapulae is bugging me now too, which goes from behind my shoulder blade, right up into my neck and base of skull which then gives me a nasty headache. I wake up every night with my arm asleep from having to sleep on my right side (I am a tummy sleeper) and I cant fall asleep on my left or my back so pretty much Im screwed. I have to lay on my back for a while, wait for my arm to wake up again, then get back on my right side. On top of all that, Ive been waking up almost every night with leg cramps, and last night was no exception. My right leg wanted to cramp so bad, I kept waking up RIGHT as it was starting (good because then I could stop it before it fully cramped...bad because it still woke me up about 6 times.
I soooooo wished that maternity leave benefits paid better then 55% of your income, cause with a shitty income such as mine (hubby is the bread winner lol) I will make very VERY little and I need to wait until closer to due date and for my recovery to take that time off. Ugh....for the first time, I actually dont know how Ill make it to the end.
Pity party over...for now. lol
So for the first time in any pregnancy, I have totally messed up my sciatic so Im dealing with a great deal of lower back pain right now. Im fine if I dont have to stand for hours, but when Im at work, and on my feet, it tweaks here and there. Then I woke up this morning, and my levator scapulae is bugging me now too, which goes from behind my shoulder blade, right up into my neck and base of skull which then gives me a nasty headache. I wake up every night with my arm asleep from having to sleep on my right side (I am a tummy sleeper) and I cant fall asleep on my left or my back so pretty much Im screwed. I have to lay on my back for a while, wait for my arm to wake up again, then get back on my right side. On top of all that, Ive been waking up almost every night with leg cramps, and last night was no exception. My right leg wanted to cramp so bad, I kept waking up RIGHT as it was starting (good because then I could stop it before it fully cramped...bad because it still woke me up about 6 times.
I soooooo wished that maternity leave benefits paid better then 55% of your income, cause with a shitty income such as mine (hubby is the bread winner lol) I will make very VERY little and I need to wait until closer to due date and for my recovery to take that time off. Ugh....for the first time, I actually dont know how Ill make it to the end.
Pity party over...for now. lol
Monday, November 7, 2011
8 weeks left!!
First off, I want to give a huge shout out to Jeni, a fellow surro blogger, whos blog I probably enjoy the most of all the ones I follow (not that everyones isnt great, but Jeni has a way with words which keeps her blog always interesting, and funny). Anyhow, she just made daddies out of two awesome guys by giving birth to boy girl twins yesturday. So CONGRATS Jeni, Farid and George on the birth of the Gustavo and Milena!! I cant wait to see more pictures of them!!!!
Anyhow....Im 32 weeks! Crazy!
Shes moving around like crazy still. I think she still has lots of room so shes taking advantage!!! Feeling pretty good, but worried about my blood pressure still. Its not that its really THAT high, but it is higher then normal so Im worried about pre-e and then having to go through induction or somthing. I feel really strongly that intervention leads to more intervention and I would like to avoid an induction which could end up leading to c-section. I just dont want that. Ive started taking calcium mag in hopes to help with the bp but I think its kinda too late really. Anyhow...heres my 32 week pic! At last appointment I had only gained 10lbs...I might have gained a couple more, but not much.
On another note....my 10 year old daughter was chosen as the LEAD in the school play/choir concert!!! I am so excite for her!!! What a proud mommy moment for sure!!!
Anyhow....Im 32 weeks! Crazy!
Shes moving around like crazy still. I think she still has lots of room so shes taking advantage!!! Feeling pretty good, but worried about my blood pressure still. Its not that its really THAT high, but it is higher then normal so Im worried about pre-e and then having to go through induction or somthing. I feel really strongly that intervention leads to more intervention and I would like to avoid an induction which could end up leading to c-section. I just dont want that. Ive started taking calcium mag in hopes to help with the bp but I think its kinda too late really. Anyhow...heres my 32 week pic! At last appointment I had only gained 10lbs...I might have gained a couple more, but not much.
On another note....my 10 year old daughter was chosen as the LEAD in the school play/choir concert!!! I am so excite for her!!! What a proud mommy moment for sure!!!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
31 weeks and Samhain
Tonight is Samhain (or Halloween) and the night when the veil between the living world and the dead is at its thinnest. Im thinking lots about those loved ones lost and hoping they are enjoying coming in and out of "our" world. We took the kids trick or treating and they had a blast! Maddie was a Zombie and Braelyn was a Mummy and Juli was a Lion. Juli did pretty well last year, but this year, she REALLY got it! She was sooooo cute...saying trick or treat and thank you at every door. She wanted to take her candy bucket with her to bed so I put a flashlight into it to light it from the inside and put it beside her bed. Braelyn was so tired by the time we got back, she was BEGGING to go to bed lol. When we got back home, we watched as our neighbour lit off some fireworks and then put the kids to bed (after getting all that makeup off their face).Maddie could have been up all night lol
On another note...I am 31 weeks today!!! I cant believe how close we are to the end. Im still feeling pretty good, but always concerned about my blood pressure. Im sure its fine...but I am so afraid of getting pre-eclampsia and I think about it it too much I think. I need to take a picture this week for sure, but everytime I think about it, I am in my pjs with no bra on lol NOT what anyone wants to see lol Bunnyhop is moving around lots as usual, and I think shes figured out that she has more room then shes been utilizing cause rather then all the movements being felt way down low, I can still feel the head down low, but the feet kicking the top area below my ribcage (in fact, tonight she had her feet IN my ribcage lol). The heartburn is something I can honestly say I will not miss after this little one comes. Ive just purchased my 4th bottle of liquid Gaviscon (2 in a month!) It works well, but I keep getting it after almost every meal...or snack. 9 weeks to go!!! Of course, Im hoping just 8! Im still dreaming of that Guinness on New Years!!!
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| Cupcakes I made for our Guide unir |
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| My Mummy, Zombie and Lion |
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| Juli my little lion |
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| Maddie my Zombie...complete with maggoty face! |
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| Braelyn my Mummy |
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| Our pumpkins |
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| THE mother load |
On another note...I am 31 weeks today!!! I cant believe how close we are to the end. Im still feeling pretty good, but always concerned about my blood pressure. Im sure its fine...but I am so afraid of getting pre-eclampsia and I think about it it too much I think. I need to take a picture this week for sure, but everytime I think about it, I am in my pjs with no bra on lol NOT what anyone wants to see lol Bunnyhop is moving around lots as usual, and I think shes figured out that she has more room then shes been utilizing cause rather then all the movements being felt way down low, I can still feel the head down low, but the feet kicking the top area below my ribcage (in fact, tonight she had her feet IN my ribcage lol). The heartburn is something I can honestly say I will not miss after this little one comes. Ive just purchased my 4th bottle of liquid Gaviscon (2 in a month!) It works well, but I keep getting it after almost every meal...or snack. 9 weeks to go!!! Of course, Im hoping just 8! Im still dreaming of that Guinness on New Years!!!
Oh!!! I am also 3 weeks free of biting my nails!!! Ive bitten my nails for about 25 years so to have nails that I can paint, is amazing!!! Never been able to paint my nails before!!!
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