Second beta...

...was a whoppin 652!!! Yeehaw! GREAT number...we are really happy about it!!!

Im feeling pretty great! I have to pee...alot! lol And Im hungry all the time (which really was the first sign I was pregnant lol) I think with me eating a bit more, its causing my hearburn...Im seeing major heartburn issues for this pregnancy (not unlike my third, which saw me through 3 bottles of Gaviscon! lol). I am technically about 4 weeks 5 days pregnant (which is so weird considering I only had the transfer 13 days ago) and one of my pairs of jeans is already getting a bit snug (damn meds...they probably are not helping). Ive been active on a surro forum and some of the ladies mentioned with betas like that, it could be twins! Yikes! Mes think not! lol I mean, I guess its possible for the embryo to divide but we did only transfer one so its probably not likely. Wouldnt that be a suprise though, if at our first ultrasound, we find that out?!! LOL
I have my first midwife appointment on the 18th of May....Im so happy that A and D are ok with me using a midwife as I gotta say, my experience with a midwife was so much better then a doc....not to put down the docs, because she was awesome, but I love the much more personal experience I get with a midwife. I love having up to an hour with her, rather then being rushed in and out in 10  min. I love that I get to make decisions based on my care, not just because "they" think I need it. Informed decision is an amazing thing, and I learned so much with my third pregnancy.

Anyhoo...I dont have much more to report...just my awesome second beta!!!! :)

And the news weve been waiting for......

................................................................................................................................................................................IM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!


OMG!!!! I cant even tell you how excited I am!!!! Ok...Ill admit (now that I can) that on sunday, I broked down and had to POAS! LOL So I knew I was pregnant....BUT I had to keep my big mouth shut until my IP's knew after the beta today (which I might at at 10dp a 5dt was 212!!!!! so AWESOME!) So...this morning at 9:30 am I went for the blood work...of course, I could hardly wait for the results and kept refreshing the eHealth online over and over until it FINALLY showed up at 2:00ish!!! So I immedietly called up the NC in Seattle and told her....emailed her the eHealth report and she called A and D later on, when they were both home to receive the news! Then they called me on speaker phone and we had a nice little chat....we are all so excited!!!! Im so happy right now! Cloud 9 really!!!! Im so happy to be doing this and feel soooooo fortunate to be able to do it!!!!!

Second beta will be on friday....lets hope we see a nice number!!!! Either way, Im pregnant and thats the best news we could have had!!!!!!


Ok...so early, I know...but I added a ticker. I did a couple of IVF calculator which said Im due Jan 2, which says Im 4 weeks pregnant! Im a little confused because Ive only had the transfer 10 days ago, a 5 day embie which would be 15 days pregnant...thats no where close to 4 weeks...am I losing it? Does it get calculated differently then Im thinking?

Well....tomorrow is the big day....I go for blood work to see if Im pregnant or not!!! Ive been so anxious about this day because I just want it to be positive!!!! I do feel pregnant in some ways though. I have been hungry ALL THE TIME!!! Thats usually a sign for me lol. Since I did my cleanse, I havent had the craving to eat late at night but alas, here its been about 11pm and Im actually STARVING!!!! Seriously! And because I have my thyroid meds to take on an empty tummy, I cant even full fill my craving if its after 11pm (I usually go to bed around 1am so 11pm is the cut off).
Anyhow...as soon as A and D know the results, Ill be posting!!!! Wish me luck!!!

Seriously...Im going (pardon my french) fucking crazy with the waiting!!!!!!!! Ughhhhh!!!!!! Seriously!!!! Going nutso with anticipation! I dont know how other surros can take pregnancy test after pregnancy test, getting BFN over and over because they start so early...I just cant do it!!! Ive been told by the clinic NOT to take a pg test...but I just might have to for shits and giggles lol...of course, I wont be able to post the result, it would just be for me, to stop me from going nucking futs!!!! This is worse then the hurry up and wait period....its way worse...like 10 times worse times 10!!!!! I want to know sooooo badly it almost hurts!!!!

Not much new...

Not sure if I feel pregnant yet lol Ive never really felt pregnant in the early stages...in fact, I didnt know I was pregnant with my first child until I was 11 weeks! I get no symptoms and that kind of sucks because theres nothing definitive toI indicate that this little embie is settling in nicely in my fluffy uterus! I keep thinking that I may have felt it implant, but I just dont know. I hear that when your on all the meds and stuff, that you start pudging out quicker and stuff and I definetly feel fatter lol...or maybe I just am! Its only been 4 days after all lol
So we have this thing called eHealth where you can check the results of your blood tests the same day you have the blood drawn....you see them before your doctor even gets the results. I asked my IPs if they wanted me to call them with the results, but they would prefer to have the "official" word...which probably wont get to them until the next day!!! Its going to KILL me to sit on that information for 24 hours!!! How can I not let my followers know, who Im sure will be waiting so anxiously, the results of the pregnancy test!!!!!!! lol

Today we had my aunts funeral. I spoke the eulogy and spoke for my mom as well. It was an emotional day but it was a nice to see everyone and to know so many people loved her so much.

Rest in paradise Auntie Tammy....love you always....see you on the other side.

Transfer complete!!!

Yay!!! Back from Seattle and the transfer went great!!!

We drove down Saturday afternoon and right away went to Pike Place market...where I picked up a couple of things (I love that place).  We then went to our hotel to check in, took an hour to ourselves (me in my room...them in theirs) and met back down in the Lobby at 7. They had made reservations at this place called the Wild Ginger....O M G....soooooo amazing!!!! The food was delish. We have Seven Flavor Beef, Green Chili Thai chicken,Shrimp Pad Thai and Seshwan Beans all served with rice. I had my last beer (a La'Connor Porter...nice and dark) and we finished our meal with a crazy yummy chocolate torte. The dinner was truly the best meal Ive ever had...and the company was great!!!

We went back to our rooms where we went our separate ways away (we were on different floors). I had an ok sleep..not the best. And it wasnt out of excitement but out of what seemed to be the thinest doors ever!!! The hotel was nice, the rooms were nice and the beds comfy...but people were slamming doors and yelling down the halls at 2 and 4 am! WTF? You know, people do sleep!

Anyhow, we met down in the lobby at 10am as we had to be at the clinic at 10:30 so I could take my drugs and drink my water! We were taken into the room and waited for the doc and the embryologist, who told us that the embryo they were transferring, was "Grade A" and "The best you could hope for" He was very optimistic that we would get pregnant with this embryo!!! And they still had some to freeze as well which is great!!!

A and D got to be in the room and watch as they placed the little embie inside me. We got to see on a screen in front of us, the embie in its incubator being removed from its current home, going into the catheter type tube thingy (dont know the name of it) until it came into the room and was placed in its new home, inside my uterus!!! Sooooo exciting!!!! We saw it on the ultrasound go in. I laid there for 15 min (I ended up getting up to go pee as I couldnt hold it anymore) and then got dressed and left the clinic. After, we went and grabbed some subs and we were on our way back home (made it back in record time too!)


This is just so exciting!!! I cant believe that right now, I have this little embryo inside me!!! Ive been rubbing my belling saying "common little embie!!! Get comfy!!! I make a great host!!!" encouraging it along!!!

Here are a couple of pictures from the transfer!!! (I do have a better picture of the embryo...but its scanned on my other computer which is being an asshole right now and I cant do anything with it right now)

Us right before the transfer

The blastocyst...its already splitting and he even said there were "fetal cells" which is the dark spot

bad pic...but the line there is the catheter with the embie in it...we saw it shoot right out!

Tomorrow is the big day!!!! A and D are picking me up soon and we will then make the 3 hourish drive to Seattle. Planning to go to Pike Place thinking today which is great cause I love it there!!

I go at 10:30 in the morning and get my vallium and start drinking water to get a full bladder. And then 11:30....duh duh duh....THE moment we have been waiting for!!! Im so stoked!!!!

Ill likely blog tomorrow night when I get home and post pictures of the trip! Think sticky thoughts!!! All your fluffy thoughts worked so Im banking on your sticky thoughts lol

Day 3 of progesterone shots...my ass feels bruised and it sucks.........that is all.

update

Please take the time to love the ones around you. Hug them and tell them you love them, no matter how close or apart you are....no matter the differences between you.  Just because you are mad at someone, doesnt mean you dont love them...its important to tell them that.

Oh Im so looking forward to this weekend....a walk down to Pike Place, a night in a hotel (maybe Ill go for a swim...who knows!) and just in general 2 days without fighting kids (mine are still on spring break as their school is on a different calendar then everyone else) will be just pure bliss!!!!

Oh and todays PIO injection was much easier then yesturday. It didnt bleed at all...and I dont feel it now a half hour later lol I still feel yesturdays though lol

Exciting and sad day...all at the same time

Good news....I started my Progesterone shots today!!! Yay!!! Im only saying Yay because it means we are 5 days away from the transfer!!! Im hopeing for some sort of an update from the clinic to see how many eggs they were able to retrieve today! I would love to know!!! The shot sucks. Yes...yes it does. But Ill make it through.! I have been able to feel where I injected all day. Not that its sore or that it hurts, but just, its there. I think I can do better tomorrow with how I did it though (I know I moved it a bit when it was in....probably not a great idea lol) Here is a video. Sorry Im so ditzy in it...but I was so nervous and anxious!

Bad news...my aunt was found in her apartment yesturday, passed away from an overdose (likely heroin). We dont have all the details but should find out a bit more and then as the toxicology test results come in and the autopsy is done. I spent the day with my mom and cousins, chatting, telling stories and just some light planning. It was very hard on my mom, as shes lost her little sister. My aunt had a very "colorful"  life to say the least. We were not close, but then again, our whole family is not that close. But today, we came together and were there for each other. Friday, we will go through her apartment and gather the few possessions she had...and going through her journals and poetry to use in her memorial service. The next little while we be hard as we wait for answers....I just hope that she is at peace now...and not struggling with her demons. Shes on the other side, healed from the hell of her life and enjoying her rest. Love you Auntie Tammy....Rest In Peace


Im not religious by ANY stretch of the imagination (I am spiritual and have many different beliefs) But I do find comfort in the following poem

God looked around his garden, and found an empty space.
He then looked down upon the earth and saw her tired face.
He put his arms around her, and lifted her to rest.
Gods garden must be beautiful, he only takes the best.

I also found this other poem...about addiction and death....

Hey you guys don't feel guilty,
It was just my time to go.
I can see you're all feeling sad,
I can see the tears still flow.

My life's journey ended early,
The path I chose was short.
You all tried your best to change it,
But in the end it was for me to sort.

I know I caused you sadness,
I know caused you pain,
But I was captured by these demons,
They wouldn't set me free again.

They took away my freedom,
They took away my choice,
And when they got their hooks in,
You could hear it in my voice.

There were times I tried to fight them,
There was a time I nearly won,
But they came back and overpowered me,
I had nowhere left to run.

I haven't really left you guys, 
I am closer than you know,
I will be the whisper in the wind,
I will be everywhere you go.

one day you will all forgive me
one day you will understand
and when your time on earth is done
I will be waiting to take your hand 

Ok...Sunday it is! lol

Ok so its actually going to be Sunday when we do the transfer! I got my updated calendar today. The egg donor wasnt quite ready for retreival today but she will be tomorrow! Yay!! So today I took my last lupron shot! YAY! But that means tomorrow I take my first Progesterone shot! BOOOOO! Like Ive said before, Im a little apprehensive, but the donor coordinator at the Seattle clinic, is soooooo nice. She said when Im ready to take it, call her and we can do it together. How nice!!! They really are wonderful there. Shes always so reassuring and kind. I think Ill be fine. I just have to remember to get that needle in quickly...its less painfull that way. Today I replaced 4 estradiol patches...and in two days Ill go down to two and continue with the two every other day until we are done progesterone (10 weeks of pregnancy).

I cant even tell you how excited I am! A year ago, I never would have thought I would be meeting IP's, cycling and haveing an embryo transfer. A year ago, I was just a normal mom of three kids, thinking I would never get the opportunity to not only be pregnant again, but to be a surrogate. Wow...has my life changed in a year. It really just fell into my lap. Ill never forget the day that M came into my store and told me she was expecting twins though a surrogate....as much as I didnt know until November that A had emailed me 4 months earlier, I feel like that day in July when M walked in my store, my life changed.  I feel so blessed....so fortunate. And most of all I feel so lucky to do this for A and D...who are going to make wonderful parents!!!

Eeeeek! Countdown is on!!! 6 days!!!!

Saturday is the big day!!!!

Thats right folks! We have a date!!! Egg retrieval from the donor should be on monday which means we should be looking at transfer on saturday the 16th!!!! Unless somthing changes tomorrow when the donor goes in for her appointment then thats the plan!!! I am soooooo excited!!!! I had a nice thick lining of 11.25 today and all my hormones were great!
Talk to A today and we are both so excited! Its crazy to have a date and know that in one week, their precious little embies are going to be placed inside my nice fluffy womb!!!

Thanks for all the fluffy thick thoughts! Im sure they helped!!!! Woohoo!!! Countdown is on!!!!

omg omg omg omg

Got an email from my IM....the clinic in seattle emailed and said the egg retrieval should be monday or tuesday...which means saturday or sunday should be the transfer!!!! eeeeeeek!!!! only 10 or 11 days away!!! So excited!!!! I go on friday to check my endo lining...aiming for 8mm or thicker!! Send good thickness vibes my way! lol

On another note, the patches seem to be getting better at staying on (weird)...if I put them in the right area on my thigh, they seem to stay on. Which is good cause it was worrying me that I wasnt getting enough of the meds since they were lifting. Has anyone else been on the patches and had problems with them lifting?

Im sooooo excited!!!! EEEEEK!!!!  :)

My dear friend....

I know....2 postings in less then 24 hours....but I need to write and express my thoughts and sadness today.

Today is the anniversary of my dear friend Julis passing. She was 33 when she died of (and I believe this is the proper term for what she passed from) metastatic cervical cancer.




My beautiful friend

 Juli and her husband Howie, worked with my Miles for many years. While we didnt hang out regularily, when we did, it was always fun. Birthdays and get togethers were fairly often with the "Costco crew" as I refered to the little group of us as. Fright night at the PNE was always a blast.  Juli was an amazing soul. Beautiful...inside and out. Hillariously funny. Infectious laughter and someone you couldnt help but to love. If you didnt like her, you needed help, because she was seriously awesome.

She had pre cancersous cells and after coneing at her cervix, drs took out her uterus and cervix to PREVENT her from getting cancer. Unfortunatly, the cancer came anyway, but it was found after it had already spread....she found out she was terminal with only 6 months to 2 years to live. She died 4 months later.
I spent some time with her in the hospital right after she went in...but she didnt want people to see her looking the way she did so after only 2 visits, I couldnt see her anymore. On one of the times I was the hospital, but didnt see her, I brought some chocolate bars to Howhow (he loves chocolate!!!) and I told him how Miles and I had discussed nameing our next child after Juli (which we did). I dont know if he ever told her this...but I hope he did. Either way, she knows now....I know shes around us a lot...I can feel her.

I remember the night we got the call from another co worker....a good friend of Howies. Miles answered the phone and as soon as he said hi to him,  Miles and I knew it was bad news. Sure enough, he told us that Juli lost her battle. Miles and I both cried and held each other, sobbing. We knew it was coming, but still, nothing prepares you. I thought about Howhow, Julis mom Lo and her brother and sister Jer and Amy and her cousin Layla and how sad they must be....that made me sadder....wishing I could give them all hugs and be there for them...but the only one I really knew at the time was Layla. Since then, I feel like I know them better...they are family....even if Lo and Amy are a province away and I never see Jer.

The day after her passing, Howhow called. I didnt even know what to say. To know them as a couple, was love. You could see how much they loved each other. So it was hard to talk to him. He asked Miles to be a pallbearer at her funeral....such an honor. And of course, Miles said yes. It was a beautiful service. Sad. And after, a luncheon that Juli would have been proud of. Not the normal fare of finger sandwiches...but ethnic foods, fruit boquets and a beautiful digital frame slideshow to see.

While Juli was in the hospital, I started a team with the Canadian Cancer Societys Relay for Life. The CCS raises funds and awareness for ALL types of cancer, not just one. We had a very good first year. Sad...but good. The silent lap was life changing. We all cried as we walked as it was only 2 months after losing Juli. It was so hard to see this little boy (maybe 6 or 7)  walking in front of us....as we approach his fathers luminary bag, he cries out "No daddy!!! Why did you die!!??" Firemen walking around us burst in tears. It was brutaly hard. I remember it vividly.  Since then, I have had a team each year. Our team Julis Jems, has not raised tonnes of money, but we do a great job in honouring Juli every year with our luminary bags (THE BEST by far around the track...honestly! Im not even kidding!!)




Our luminaries from 2010....yes...thats 22 bags!



This year, my girlfriend of about 20 years is getting married on Relay day (which happens to be Relays 20th year in our town) so I wont be able to be there. But Im concentrating my efforts on helping plan and volunteering in other ways. This month is daffodil days and yesturday I was at the mall, selling daffodil pins and fresh cut daffodils. Its CCS goal that every Canadian will wear a pin on April 27th. So if you dont have yours already, please get one and wear it and join the fight against cancer. I firmly belive that there is a cure for cancer and so I dont raise funds for reasearch, but to help those with cancer and their families....whether its with councilling or rides to treatment...CCS does so many amazing things with the funds raised.



Some of our bags and our sign ....this pic is from 2009 Relay



So it brings us to today...the anniversary of the day we lost a beautiful person. I hope you will take a moment and think about her for me and for her family. Hug those you love and appreciate them. Be thankful for those who are still here after fighting this disease and remember those who have been lost.

CELEBRATE REMEMBER FIGHTBACK

Love you Ducky...miss you...I think about you everyday....especially now while I am on this journey to carrying a baby for a cancer survivor. You were the only person before this that I offered to carry a baby for and Ill always remember that converstation before your hysterectomy. Ill always remember FRAPPUCINOS!!! Your laughter and screams as we went through the haunted houses at fright night....your cheekiness...your dislike for you know who and not being afraid to voice your opinion on that matter lol. I can feel you around me and my children....especially baby Juju whos not a baby anymore....which goes to show how long you have been gone because she wasnt even conceived when you left us. Love and miss you.



HOPE...its what every person with cancer in their life needs to have
CELEBRATE, REMEMBER, FIGHT BACK. But most of all, have HOPE!



not much...just ramblings!

So we are at about 16ish days until transfer and I am getting soooooooooooo excited. What I am not excited about is the progesterone shots lol. I am actually really apprehensive about them. Not the part about giving them to myself, but I hear that the next day feels like your badly bruised and even though you inject on the opposite side the next day, by the time you get back to the first side, it still feels so bruised. That is when I think it will be harder for me to give myself the injection....into my already sore ass, from just one injection.

What I am thankful for, is that I have had no side affects from the lupron. I keep seeing that people get hot flashes and headaches but Ive had none of that (besides a headache the first 2 or 3 days, but since then, nothing). Then I worry that Im not taking the right dosage and I doubt everything Im doing! Im doubting everything Im doing...right down to wondering if Im taking everything Im supposed to lol I see on other blogs, and video blogs of surrogates taking all these meds and throughout this whole thing, Ill only be on the lupron, estrodial patches and progesterone...just makes me wonder why other people go on all these meds and Im on so little. Then I wonder, why am I questioning this?! lol Ugh....so much running through my mind...so much confusion and questioning of myself. I should just be happy that Im getting off relatively lucky on the meds front.

So my question for other surrogates out there...and please feel free to comment your answers because Im very curious. How do you respond when people comment on "what a wonderful thing" you are doing? Friends and others who learn about what Im doing, always say such nice things to me about what Im doing, but I never know how to respond. Im not doing it for recognition! Im doing it because I want to and because I can and often feel awkward when people say that to me. I totally appreciate it...I just dont know how to respond and usually just say "Im happy to do it" or somthing. Just curious...how do you respond?