Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Exciting and sad day...all at the same time

Good news....I started my Progesterone shots today!!! Yay!!! Im only saying Yay because it means we are 5 days away from the transfer!!! Im hopeing for some sort of an update from the clinic to see how many eggs they were able to retrieve today! I would love to know!!! The shot sucks. Yes...yes it does. But Ill make it through.! I have been able to feel where I injected all day. Not that its sore or that it hurts, but just, its there. I think I can do better tomorrow with how I did it though (I know I moved it a bit when it was in....probably not a great idea lol) Here is a video. Sorry Im so ditzy in it...but I was so nervous and anxious!

Bad aunt was found in her apartment yesturday, passed away from an overdose (likely heroin). We dont have all the details but should find out a bit more and then as the toxicology test results come in and the autopsy is done. I spent the day with my mom and cousins, chatting, telling stories and just some light planning. It was very hard on my mom, as shes lost her little sister. My aunt had a very "colorful"  life to say the least. We were not close, but then again, our whole family is not that close. But today, we came together and were there for each other. Friday, we will go through her apartment and gather the few possessions she had...and going through her journals and poetry to use in her memorial service. The next little while we be hard as we wait for answers....I just hope that she is at peace now...and not struggling with her demons. Shes on the other side, healed from the hell of her life and enjoying her rest. Love you Auntie Tammy....Rest In Peace

Im not religious by ANY stretch of the imagination (I am spiritual and have many different beliefs) But I do find comfort in the following poem

God looked around his garden, and found an empty space.
He then looked down upon the earth and saw her tired face.
He put his arms around her, and lifted her to rest.
Gods garden must be beautiful, he only takes the best.

I also found this other poem...about addiction and death....

Hey you guys don't feel guilty,
It was just my time to go.
I can see you're all feeling sad,
I can see the tears still flow.

My life's journey ended early,
The path I chose was short.
You all tried your best to change it,
But in the end it was for me to sort.

I know I caused you sadness,
I know caused you pain,
But I was captured by these demons,
They wouldn't set me free again.

They took away my freedom,
They took away my choice,
And when they got their hooks in,
You could hear it in my voice.

There were times I tried to fight them,
There was a time I nearly won,
But they came back and overpowered me,
I had nowhere left to run.

I haven't really left you guys, 
I am closer than you know,
I will be the whisper in the wind,
I will be everywhere you go.

one day you will all forgive me
one day you will understand
and when your time on earth is done
I will be waiting to take your hand 


Carla said...

so sorry about your aunt's death. very sad.

Jeni said...

I am sorry about your aunt. Very difficult.

Good job with the PIO!!!!! Quite impressive!!
Thinking lots of positive sticky thoughts for you!! Can't wait to hear all about the transfer experience!! :)

paradykes said...

I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your aunt. Addiction is such a horrible disease, not only for the sufferer but the family as well. It pulls families apart unlike anything else i've ever encountered. Know that your aunt is now at peace and her disease has lost its grip on her and your family.

You did great on your PIO, I do Ashley's for her and when you get to where you have been doing them a few weeks you'll want your husband to help out to get to where you can't reach. Don't worry about the blood, yours was pretty light.