Wooohoooo!!!!

I am soooo excited!!! So a month ago, I applied for a job and had an interview and even completed their tests. I knew I wouldnt hear anything back till the end of the month, but when the 7th came,I thought I must not have gotten it. But, at about 2:30 on wednesday, I got the call and was offered the position!!! I am so super stoked!!! This is such a great opportunity for my family and Im ho happy. Its scary at the same time, because for the last 7 years, I have worked for the same place. A place that, even though Ive had ups and downs (who doesnt in their place of work) I love what I do at the store and its so weird to think that I wont work there any more. Its crazy. One of my favorite couples with their 8 month old baby, were in the store tonight, and I told them that come Friday of next week, I will no longer work there and I actually got teary eyed! We exchanged numbers too which was cool. I think I will for sure give her a call and go for coffee or somthing. Their daughter is just adorable too....all smiles. It was sweet.

So this job is a great thing for us. More hours, at more pay means more money coming into the house which means so many other things for us. Im excited by it, and just hope I dont screw up. I also hope not to gain weight lol I will be sitting at this job where, at my current jobs, I sling boxes of strollers and carseats and get up and down ladders...and install carseats. Do you think my new co-workers would notice (and laugh at me or think Im a weirdo) if I stood up every hour and stretched or ran on the spot? What if I started using an abmaster? lol Maybe I should wait a while to start acting crazy.

Couple shout outs....thanks Gail for letting me know of the job and passing my name along. Mucho appreciated my sister wife! lol
And fellow blogger Jeni over here Who is always so supportive and kind! Thanks for the comments in my last post...lady...you rock!

Here are some pictures from a day out with my daughter, my neighbor Gail and her son (my son from another mum) Liam

Juli

I love how Juli looks in this pic.

Juju and Liam

Just a beautiful waterfall. The rocks looked very cool with the big  craters

The 4 of us!

Random thoughts lol

Well this weekend was a whirlwind. We had a celebration of life for my cousin on Saturday...and it was beautiful. So many people came to celebrate Jeramy and his life and to be there for his parents and young daughter. My cousin was just 24 when he was killed a couple weeks ago in a car accident. But we will help keep his memory alive and make sure his daughter knows the kind of man her daddy was, and how much he affected everyones lives.

Ive had some mixed emotions lately, regarding my journey. Not mixed as in negative or I wish I hadnt done it cause that is faaaaaaaar from true. But Im just coming to terms with where my life is now and how my relationship with A and D will be going forward. Now that I am not pumping, there isnt really any reason to see them so Im just trying to get used to not texting them or bugging them....even though I would love to talk to them every few days lol. A came into my store with the babe a week and a half ago. 2 of my co-workers had been dying to see her so I asked her to come in and she did, which was nice. But I think the visits and contact will be very little from here on out...its just what I am sensing. Maybe its just me and my internalizing once again...but I think space is likely needed for them so Im going to respect that (even though they have not said anything to me about it.) So...Ive made a conscious decision to not text or email, and just let them lead the way. The only thing I was hoping was that they would have a baby shower for her and I could come but I dont know if they are even doing that, and if they do, if Ill be invited. I would really hope so...I want to see her showered with love and support as every new mom should get....but I just dont know. Anyhow, Im rambling...its just the randomness that goes on in my head. I find myself looking at  pictures from my journey almost every night before I go to sleep....is that weird?? I just cant help it! Im so proud of it and it gives me the warm fuzzies to look at them! I go to sleep in a very happy place :) I so badly want to do it again soon too...does THAT make me crazy?!?! lol I know Im not the only surrogate who feel like that immedietly after a journey. But..I gotta wait until A and D are ready again. I just hope its not forever cause I want to do it again after, at least once!!! Ughhhhhhh my mind needs to shut down..I gotta hit the hay...too many late nights...but just needed to write and see what came out my finger tips lol

Cancer

The "C" word. I hate the "C" word. I hate it with every bone in my body. Why have I got cancer on my mind right now? Well last Wednesday, would have been my dear friend Juli's birthday. I know I posted last year about her but Im going to do it again....and Ill likely, do it again and again. Juli was a beautiful person, inside and out. Her smile was bright and her laughter infectious. I miss her....I miss her a shit tonne. I wish she was here for my children to know. I wish she was here to see the amazing thing I was a part of....I know she would be proud of me. Juli lost her fight with metastatic cervical cancer at the young age of 33. When she lost her uterus and cervix in an effort to keep the cancer from coming, I had offered to carry a baby for her, if the time came that she wanted to have children. I remember the day like it was yesterday. We were sitting in White Spot in New Westminster and were talking about her upcoming surgery. We were emotional (of course) and I brought it up. We cried some more.Then we went to Starbucks and had Frappuccinos and cried some more! When she passed away, I thought my chance to carry for another couple, would likely never happen. Little did I know that the universe had other plans for me. A plan that would have me carry a baby for a woman who also had her life and fertility affected by cancer. Carrying a baby for someone who had cancer, made my whole journey even that much more special to me. I often had the question "what if her cancer comes back?" What if it did come back??? I could get cancer, you could get cancer...anyone can get cancer. It doesnt discriminate...I sure as hell wont!!! Cancer took enough from A....Im not going to let "what if" prevent me from helping her to become a mom!!!

My kids will grow up knowing who Juli was. My youngest daughter will know that she was named after an incredible human being and sunshiny soul. I'll tell them about how she tried to force feed me after I had my oldest daughter, and didnt want to eat the hospital food and how I wanted to throttle her. Ill tell them about the time we went through the haunted houses at Fright Nights and she screamed the whole way through and we all laughed our asses off. I'll tell them about how we would all go for dinner (our crew of Miles co-workers) and the funny shit she would say about one of the girlfriends (she was never one of "us"...you know what Im talking about Lora lol). Ill tell them about how, when after she had been diagnosed as terminal, and I was planning a visit, I asked if she could drink a Frap....she said to bring one anyway so it will be like old times (even if she was too sick to drink it, it would make her feel better to have it in her hand). Ill tell them about how she touched so many peoples lives, that at the warehouse where she worked with Miles, her belongings box, sat in its place, her name on the side and that someone had nailed it down because thats just where it was supposed to stay, and no one was moving it....until the warehouse was moved. And Ill tell them about how beautiful she looked, even as she was nearing death and how she passed with dignity and grace.

This June 2nd is the 21st annual Relay for Life. This event benefits the Canadian Cancer Society and helps raise funds to support those affected with cancer. I firmly believe that there is already a cure for cancer....I dont raise funds, volunteer and participate in this event because I want to find a cure (cause as I mentioned, I believe there is a cure...but the government makes too much money off people dying....thats a whole other story, we wont go there)... but I do it to help support cancer patients, survivors and their families. I do it to celebrate those who have survived and remember those we have lost. I started a team the year we lost Juli and ran a team the next couple of years but after 3 years of doing it, I realized that this was much more important to me, then it was to others. I put so much effort into it, and got upset when others didnt do the same. So, instead of running a team, I volunteer my time (the very little time I have)  to help with the steering committee in the photography end of thing. Ill be working my butt off the whole day, taking pictures of the days events and having a great time, hanging with my "relay peeps" and hearing incredible stories of courage and hope and participating in the most life changing part about relay...the silent lap. It really is an amazing event. While I dont have my name on the committee page just yet, I am going to get my name on it (hadnt asked yet lol) but if you would like to donate to my "team" please click here and make a general team donation (unless you see my name there then donate to me). Every penny counts!!!

Anyhow...I heard this song on the radio and cried through the whole thing. While its about breast cancer (everything seems to be about breast cancer...I wish it wasnt so concentrated on that....thats why I like relay because it helps people with all types of cancer) its a touching song and the video even more so. I hope you enjoy. Martina McBride...Im Gonna Love you Through It

              Beautiful Juli and my oldest daughter Madison....
              miss you and love you always my dear friend

Life stinks sometimes

Yes...life stinks. Life sucks big butt!!! Im not quite sure how much is supposed to happen in one week but Im pretty I and the people around me have had enough.
First off a close friend of mine was pregnant with twins and lost those babies at 25 weeks in a car accident. All I can say, is please, sit as far back from the air bag at all times, but especially when pregnant!!! No sooner does she get home from that ordeal, then she finds out that her friend was found dead that morning. So for the next week, I worried about her, trying to get her to take care of herself all while she is taking care of the family of her friend (they didnt know what she just went through). Ive worried non stop about her and just want her to mourn her loss.
As if that wasnt sad enough, but on Monday, while driving on an icy road, my cousin (24 years old) slid on the ice, hit a pole and rolled over...he was killed instantly. Its just so unfair. His mother, died not even a year ago. My poor cousins have been through so much and our family is so hurt right now. My cousin had a little girl who will never know what  kind of person her dad was. Its just so sad.

Now, to top it off, Im sick. I think my body is telling me to take it easy but obviously, I cant. I need to be there...be strong...for everyone...as best as I can be anyway.
So Im rambling...sorry...I best sign off now and go get some sleep or somthing

Pumping over and done...thank goodness!!!

Yep...thats right. I decided I am done with pumping. Well, I kind of decided lol. My body pretty much decided for me after a weekend away in Victoria with 19 Girl Guides....getting stuck in the ferry terminal for several hours after the ferrys were cancelled do to hurricane force winds. We ended up being stuck there over night and had to stay in a hotel. But just that weekend of reducing my sessions from every 3 hours to anywhere between 4 and 6 hours, and on the last day when were stuck, I didnt pump for 8 hours...my production went down and once my production goes down, its very hard for me to up it again. So...I went with it. Started weaning and now its been 3 days since Ive pumped. Did I mention that drying up SUCKS?! I hate it. But, Ill be glad that I wont have to haul around a pump or put my life on hold every 3 hours to hook up to a device that makes me look like a cow whilst violating my nipples. My boobs are so sore. But Im getting through it, takeing sage capsules to help dry up quicker and using cabbage leaves, hot showers and cold compresses. So far, its going pretty good...its just my left one giving me a problem (its the one that produces the most milk so Im not surprised.

Anyhow...enough about my boobs (Im pretty sure everyone in my life will be very happy when Im done pumping and we no longer have to talk about my tits lol). I return to work today after having several weeks off from having the baby. I have really enjoyed this time off and honestly, dont want to go back to work. But gotta pay the bills. This is part of the reason why its good I stopped pumping (see...my boobs come up...again). I went for lunch with a co-worker the other day (Thanks Amy...you are a wonderful friend!) and it came up that some of my co-workers (her included) were quite emotional when I had Hazel. It surprised me! I guess I never really thought that others around me (other then my immediate family) would feel after her birth.  I certainly never thought they would be emotional about it. Just goes to show what an amazing bunch of ladies I work with. I will have to get A and D to come in with her so everyone can meet her :)

So a week ago, A, D and Hazel as well as Miles and myself, went out for dinner to the Afghan Horsemen. OMG...this place has amazing food. Seriously, delicious. A and D and I had gone there after our 3D ultrasound and decided that we should go again...for a celebratory dinner basically. I got a good 2 hours of cuddles with sweet Hazel. She slept the entire time lol. Shes not gained a lot but shes getting there. Definitely not suffering thats for sure lol. We had a great conversation about all sorts of things. At times it was emotional (of course) but all in all it was a wonderful evening. I got a couple pics with her..finally Miles gets in on one...but I didnt let him hold her (was that mean? lol I was enjoying my cuddles!!! lol)

A month already?! OMG!

Wow does time go fast!!! Little Hazel will be one month old tomorrow! Its hard to believe that she has already been on this earth for a month!!! She hasn't gained much weight and still looks like the day she was born! lol Shes keeping her parents on their toes for sure... apparently she likes to get upset in the evenings and not let them sleep much. But... that's the wonderful thing about being a surrogate...I don't have to worry bout that! LOL

I am still pumping and last week, took a big cooler FULL of milk to her. The milk filled the cooler to the top and there wasn't even room for ice packs or anything. It should last her quite a while, which is good because I'm likely to start weaning off. I went away to a Girl Guide camp last weekend, and I went from pumping every 3 hours to pumping when I had time (at times it was 5 and even 7 hours between pumping....8 hours on the last day when we got stuck in Victoria due to high winds and the ferry being cancelled!) So now, my supply has been going down. Part of me is ok with that, part of me is sad. I really HATE pumping. I despise it actually. It sucks. Ok...TMI moment...my nipples hurt like a mother f-er!!! Seriously...the pump is not kind to me (I am extremely sensitive). But, I love being able to provide her with so much milk. Dropping off that cooler full of milky goodness, made me so proud of myself. Not only is it good for her, but helps keep the cost of buying as much formula down. It would just be nice to not have to take my pump with me if I know I'm going to be longer then 3 hours...and it would be nice to not wake up with hard boobs...and it would be nice to not feel the tingles all the time. I go back to work on Feb 9th so we will see how much of a pain in the butt it is to pump there and if it is, then Ill start to wean off.

Anyway...here is a picture of me and babe last time I saw her (a week ago) and Rebekah over at http://rebekahrose.blogspot.com/  did this questionnaire on her blog. I did one at the beginning of the journey but thought it would be fun to do it again!

Love her hair!

Name: Darshan Aileen Andrews
Birthday: May 14
Zodiac Sign: Taurus
Where were you born: North Vancouver BC Canada
Where do you live now: Maple Ridge BC Canada
How many times have you moved: In my whole life...um Ive lived in 7 homes in my entire life that I remember (since I was 4 basically)
Hair Color: Dirty blonde/brown.
Eye Color: Hazel basically...brown some days, green others.
Tattoos: I have 4 tattoos. My first is a celtic love knot to symbolize the love for my kids, second was a fairy on my leg, third is a piano and music on my back and fourth is the word "cara" on my foot...a matching tattoo with my best friend that means "friends" in Gaelic.
Piercings: Just one hole in each ear.

*Favorites*

Color: Purple all the way
Food: Sushi is my fave. Never met a potato I didnt like.
Candy: Hmmm...this one is touch. Im not huge on candy necessarily  (I prefer chips) but I do like reeces peanut butter cups, and twizzlers.
Movie: Dirty Dancing would be my favorite...along with Ever After. I also love 50 First Dates, The Wedding Singer, 30 Year old Virgin and all the Harry Potter and Twilight Movies.
TV Show: I watch WAY too much TV lol. My current faves would be Greys, Private Practice, BONES,True Blood The Finder (awesome new show) Game of Thrones and Grimm
Actor: Dont have a favorite...
Actress: Ditto
Favorite Author: Hmmm....I really dont read a lot...but I do like John Grisham and have all his books. Also love the Twilight Books and House of Night books.
Band or Singer: Bands: Spirit of the West, Leahy,Great Big Sea, Three Doors Down. Singers: Keith Urban, Bob Seger, Natalie MacMaster (although shes not a singer). Im also loving Lady Antebellum right now...big time.
Song: I dont have A favorite song...I have many lol Currently loving Lady A's Owned the Night. 
Holiday: Halloween
Season: spring
Day of the week: Sunday...if I have to choose one lol...
Store: Superstore (sad eh? but only because I can buy everything I need there, not have to go anywhere else and its cheap lol)
Restaurant: Oh I dont know... any sushi place lol
Sport: to watch? Hockey I guess.
Animal: Birds I guess....mainly Eagles
Flower: Gerbera Daisy

*Have you ever*

Danced in the rain: not really
tripped and had an embarrassing fall: Um yah...lets not revisit that
smoked: Ive smoked cigarettes here and there...I dont mind PrimeTimes
got drunk: Hells yah...just on wednesday in fact! lol Ok...I wasnt drunk, but more tipsy..really tipsy lol
gone skinny dipping: No.
been in a car accident: Yes...under a semi truck...broke my hand. Ouch. That was 3 year ago.
been in love: Yep!
met the President: No.
met a celebrity: Not any big time celebs but a couple of not so big ones lol
cried over a movie: Yes
laughed so hard you cried: many many times
cried for no reason at all: I am a woman! lol

*the last*

thing you said: Thanks babe (when hubby threw some rolls of toilet paper down from the upstairs for the down stairs bathroom...he was going to bed so Ive been by myself with no one to talk to since then lol)
thing you ate: A handful of pecans
song you heard: Hahaha...Medium Pace by Adam Sandler....long story lol
movie you saw: In the theatre? Um...I dont remember lol been a while. At home, Im watching The Year Dolly Parton was my Mom on VOD right now 

cd you bought: a James Taylor Christmas album...who buys cds anymore? lol
book you read: currently reading Game of Thrones....just finished Ellen Degeneres Seriously...Im kidding book...it was in my bathroom lol

phone call: Erin I think
im: Wasylyna (a fellow surro)

person you yelled at: probably one of my kids

*This or that*

pepsi or coke: Pepsi.
mcdonalds or burger king: McDonalds
chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
tv or movies: TV
colored pencils or markers: Colored Pencils
sun or moon: Moon
day or night: night
pants or shorts: Pants
long sleeve or short sleeve: Short Sleeve
n'sync or backstreet boys: both suck equally
burgers or hot dogs: burger
rock or rap: rock fo sho
aim or phone: Phone
romantic comedy or thriller: romantic comedy
waffles or pancakes: Belgian Waffles
peanut butter or jelly: Peanut butter (natural)

*Others*

do you believe in love at first sight: yes and no
have you ever wished upon a star: no...well maybe when I was a kid
what other language (s) do you speak: none
if you dyed your hair what color would you dye it: Red
if you could change your name what would you change it to: I like my name...I wouldnt change it.
what's the weather like right now: Rainy as shit
what instruments do you play: Piano...I also played the drums a lot, but never took official lessons.
do you talk to yourself a lot: Yep

best place you have visited: Um...Vegas? lol Ive never really gone anywhere.
best day of your life: Hard to choose since all three of my childrens births were the best days...and my surro babes birth as well.
worst day of your life: the day I was in my car accident probably. Ive been fortunate not to have really bad days
pet peeves: people who walk slow or dont walk single file on a busy sidewalk
what are you most proud of: Being married for almost 10 years and having 3 beautiful kids. Being a surrogate.
what is your goal for this year: Help my middle daughter to learn to behave and get all of us on board with helping her to figure out her place in the family (shes struggling with figuring that out and when she does, hopefully her beahviour will change)

The Liebster Award

Wow! What can I say! I was nominated for the Liebster Blog Award! I feel very honored!! Thank you so much to Bobbie over at  http://paradykes.blogspot.com/   I so enjoyed following their story...carrying a baby for another couple, and now trying for another one of their own. Im very much looking forward to following them on this next journey!!!

The Liebster Blog Award is an award for bloggers with less than 200 followers who deserve more recognition. 

Liebster is a German word that means ‘dearest’ or ‘beloved’, but can also mean‘favorite’. The idea of the award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers.

The Award comes with a few rules. You’re supposed to:

§ Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them

§ Reveal your top 5 picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog

§ Post the award on your blog

§ Bask in the love from the most supportive people in the blogosphere – other bloggers

§ Hope your recipients pass the award to their 5 favorite blogs to keep the love flowing.

So....here are my top 5 pics. It was a very hard decision because A) they are all so great, B) my favorites in particular, have been nominated and C) Most of the blogs I follow were around the same time frame as my journey so they might not have as much recent activity....but here they are...including one blog that has nothing to do with surrogacy, but she is an amazing writer and I highly recommend her books!!!!


http://rebekahrose.blogspot.com/   Rebekah is carrying twins and has a great blog all about her journey as well as some nummy recipes!


http://anitaviljoen.blogspot.com/  A great writer right here in my own town! I work closely with her and consider her a "sister" that is...in Guiding!


http://dougandbill.blogspot.com/  Entertaining blog!

http://gestanotherday.blogspot.com/ Another one of the surrogacy blogs of faithfully followed!!!

http://timingandluckfortheirbaby.blogspot.com/  Another special surrogate!


Thank you to all these bloggers and all the other ones that I think are amazing (but have already been nominated) for giving us a glimpse into your worlds!!!...those would be  Jeni over at http://lovemakesafamily2011.blogspot.com/  Kevin and Jeff at http://3rdstreetnw.blogspot.com/   and of course Bobbie at http://paradykes.blogspot.com/

Done and done....

Well, this journey officially came to an end on Friday, when I went to the lawyers and signed the affidavit, releasing my rights to Hazel so her parents can petition the court and vital statistics to amend her birth record to declare them as her parents. It seems so surreal that its all over. I had no issues signing the papers, in fact it felt great knowing that under the eyes of the law and government, she will legally be her parents as she rightfully should be and I think that them having to jump through all these hoops just because another woman carried the baby is stupid. But that's a whole other post lol

I am still struggling a bit with the lack of communication, I wont deny that. I have a shit tonne of milk stored (and I mean a TONNE), and I don't know if they want it. I'm happy to continue pumping if they want the milk...but am just fine stopping as well if they don't. I'm feeling a bit out of place right now, like I don't know what my roll is right now (other then wife and mother). I've spent the last year being at the center of this journey, regular communication, being pregnant and people knowing I'm pregnant and having that segue into a conversation about surrogacy and being a surrogate. Then you give birth, and you don't have a baby so no one knows that you have just given birth and what an amazing thing you were a part of. You want to scream from the rooftops "Guess what I just did!!?!", you want to talk about it to everyone you meet....but how do you segue into that? You just feel out of place....trying to find whats normal again.Trying to figure out how to live the normal life you lived before entering into the world of surrogacy. Then on top of all that, not knowing how things are going with the family you helped create, makes things really difficult. Its definitely not what I thought I would struggle with, if I struggled with anything. I thought if anything, I would struggle with not having a baby at home (and even then, I've never really worried about that).But THAT definitely is not an issue lol I am quite thankful to get a full nights sleep thank you very much lol. I had one day that was particularly hard....and then that evening, I got flowers delivered to me by A's parents, with a beautifully written card, so the timing of that was good...I needed that...since then, its gotten better and I don't feel as anxious...I guess I just needed that day to cry and be a little sad. Anyhow, I feel like maybe I'm not articulating myself properly and rambling as always. I just want to make it very clear, that I am not suffering baby blues, ppd, or anything like that. I am actually very happy and quite enjoying this time with my family that I have off work right now. So please, don't worry about me. I am simply trying to find a new "normal" and trying to figure out where my place is right now. I don't want to bug the new family, so I'm avoiding texting and emailing them (even though my fingers are itching to lol). I guess if they want to talk to me, they will. I just hope that that's sometime soon cause I miss them already and could really use an update and pic :)

10 days old

Well, little Hazel is 10 days old (well...its after midnight so I guess shes 11 days old now lol). I saw her on Friday and got some cuddles in with the Cuddly Wrap. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I LOVE the wrap. I think its the best thing EVER to carry your baby in. I especially think its great for intended moms who wish to have skin to skin with their baby as much as possible, to facilitate a bonding experience. Anyhow...I took my wrap to A and D so they could use it for Hazel and I had her in it on me for a bit...then we put it on A and they had a good cuddle in it as well. Both mom and babe LOVED it (and whats not to love...really). Here are a couple pics of me with Juli in the wrap. I just love it and have to share!!!

10 months

1 year old

2 years old

I have been pumping like crazy. I have never been a huge producer so I wasn't expecting to get a lot. But, apparently, my body decided to do a good job this time (maybe my body just prefers pumping to nursing) because I'm getting a lot of milk. Now, I didn't get anything for 3 days. Literally nothing. I would pump and it would be dry...not even colostrum. It was discouraging because I would feel like I was getting some, and then nothing would come out. Finally I started getting some and when she was 5 days old, I was able to take about 25oz of milk to her. Then, when she was 7 days old, I was able to take another 25 oz. So, I doubled my production. Now, I have stored in my freezer about 80oz of milk that I have pumped since Friday evening!!!! Its now Monday night (or early Tuesday, however you want to look at it lol...its 1am OK! lol) and I have 80oz!!!!! I am very excited by this....can ya tell?! I feel really good that I have been able to pump so much milk for her. For her first 4 days of life though, she was only on formula so when she got my milk, she got a little gassy apparently and didn't drink it as fast as she had been drinking the formula. Her mom realized though that she needed to mix the formula and breast milk and gradually introduce it, since she was so used to the formula. Hopefully she tolerates my milk OK. If it turns out she doesn't, there is this great way of donating to people right in your community. Human Milk for Human Babies is a great way to connect with moms who are looking for breast milk for their babies so if you are a pumping mom reading this right now...or you have milk stored in your freezer that you will not be using, check out the site, go to the community pages and find the city near you.  http://www.hm4hb.net/   I have a friend who already connected to a mom in our community. I think its great!!!!

My first milk delivery!!! Yes...I was dating them Dec not Jan lol

Anyhow, the big question I keep getting asked is how am I doing. And when people ask, its not that they are asking how am I doing physically in my recovery after giving birth, but how am I doing mentally. I know that when people ask me that question, they really mean "Do you have the baby blues". While I really appreciate the concern, its a little annoying lol. For the record....I feel great! Both physically and mentally. I do find that I get a little tired when Im doing too much. My body has no problem telling me to slow down, and I do. I dont want to bleed any longer then I have to and I know that rest is essential to reducing the amount of time you bleed. Mentally, I feel really good. I am so happy that Hazel is with her parents. I have no regrets doing this surrogacy, in fact, I am really looking forward to the next journey!!! Yes, you read right. I would LOVE to be pregnant again lol If there is anything I am "sad" about, its that Im not pregnant anymore. I dont feel like I am missing out on having a baby at home. I just miss being pregnant. I LOVE being pregnant!!!! Feeling the movements and knowing I have life in me...its amazing!! I would say the only thing I am feeling that is not what I expected, is anxiety. Its the only way I can describe it really. I feel anxious that I dont know how things are going with them. And not just with Hazel, but with the three of them. I felt like when I was pregnant, I could text them or email them any time and know I wasnt bugging them. Now....I feel like I dont have a good enough reason to text them. They dont need to "check in" with me! Its not my business really. Maybe I worry a bit that they wont keep in contact. I dont know. Well, maybe I do know that thats what it is. Its been my main worry through the whole thing...that they would drop off and I wouldnt hear from them anymore. In my heart, I know that wont happen...but I still fear it. And if thats what I wanted in a surrogacy, then I would have been clear about that...but thats not what I wanted. I feel like they are a part of my family in a way...and even if they dont feel that way about me, I understand. I just cant help how I feel. So, it would be very devestating to me to lose contact. So maybe thats where the anxiety is coming from. I just saw them on Friday and yet, I miss not having contact. And now Im reading that and realizing, I look like a stalker LOL. Anyhow...Im rambling and I should just shut up now. If any of my fellow surro readers is reading this and cares to comment on the anxiety thing (as in, tell me its normal LOL) then that would be great!!!
For now...here is a pic I took on Friday of me and Hazel....damnn shes cute!!!

Well...its been three days (hard to believe actually!) And I basically spent today laying in bed doing absolutely NOTHING! It was great!!!! My husband is seriously the best husband on the planet. He went through this whole journey without so much as a complaint. He helped me when I needed help, he supported me with whatever I needed and was there for the amazing birth, holding my hand, and just as emotional as the rest of us. He truly is a gem. Today while I did nothing, he kept the kids in order, brought me my breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed, and did whatever else I needed. I just needed a day to lay down and let my body heal...the more relaxing I do, the less bleeding I had and the quicker things heal up so I decided that today was that day that I would just do nothing, and my amazing husband allowed that to happen for me!!! I love you Miles...you really are the most amazing man and husband anyone could ask for.

While I was doing nothing, I put together a little video of the journey...I hope you all enjoy!!!